


Magician’s Assistant

by phat_clown_stan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: A little self indulgent, AFAB reader - Freeform, Blood, Character Death, Eventual Smut maybe, First time writing Hisoka, Im really sorry about that, I’m bad at tagging, Masochism but it’s self destructive, Masochist, Mention of the main four, Mutual Pining, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Text Messages, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, a lot of misgendering, blowjob, i guess, i self reflected a lot on my oc, non-binary, self-harm mention, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phat_clown_stan/pseuds/phat_clown_stan
Summary: Hisoka meets young (but not too young) Feste, a clown with a fat love for pain and a smile that doesn’t go away. Feste follows Hisoka around for most of the series in hopes of dying by his hand, and Hisoka keeps Feste around because kid’s got potential. Besides, every magician needs an assistant....I added Hisoka/reader tag in case you wanted to put yourself in Feste’s shoes, if you don’t mind being a masochistic, non-binary clown.
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter)/Original Character(s), Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader
Comments: 44
Kudos: 137





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> ah~ im nervous~  
> anyway, the clown’s name is Feste, pronounced Fest-ee.  
> this is set sometime before the hunter exam

In Yorknew City, performers litter the streets, crawling in alleyways like rats in a sewer (though, they aren’t too dissimilar), begging for pocket change to feed themselves. Amongst these performers are either families who have been performing for generations, strays who have no other source of income, or part of the “traveling” circus that never seems to travel anywhere else. Hisoka found the performers in Yorknew City distasteful as the only goal of these performers is to earn money, not entertain.

Feste is a performer in the city, a clown to be precise. They are well known for their many acts, including juggling, aerobatics, many magic tricks, and being beat by customers.

After seeking out a powerful opponent, fighting, and winning (see: murdering) said opponent, Hisoka was taking a nighttime stroll through Yorknew City’s downtown area, mildly amused (and disgusted) at the fools who throw their money at the other fools who seek the attention, or rather the money. One performer, however, catches his eye.

He sees a petite, almost malnourished clown in a half black, half white body suit with three black Pom-Poms lining down the middle of the suit. Atop their head is a matching dunce hat with two points, a few strands of white curly poking out. One of the more noticeable features of the ensemble is the short sleeves, revealing arms littered with scars and bite marks. On the clown’s face is a wide smile and dark eyes that hold a sort of manic pleasure in them.

However, it is not the clown’s clothes and features and androgyny that catch his attention. Rather, it’s the fact that said clown is dangling in the air, held by ropes tied to a lamppost, attached to their ankles. It is also the fact that they’re being used as a human punching bag by several mean looking men and being watched by a crowd of onlookers.

As Hisoka watches, one of the men decides to cut the rope that the clown is being hung from and they fall to the ground, head-first. Of course, it comes as a surprise to Hisoka that the clown didn’t die or pass out.

Instead, the clown lets out a loud moan. The men all laugh.

“You weren’t fuckin’ kidding when you said this bitch is a freak!” A man with too many distasteful tattoos yells out with a smile.

The crowd was getting bigger around the clown and the men, almost as if anticipating an event, almost as if this is a nightly ritual.

”These idiots better not get two cocky,” a man whispers to his lady companion a few feet away from Hisoka, causing him to glance their way. “When they get cocky, they don’t pay. And I don’t think they’d be able to handle Feste.”

Feste. Hisoka understands this is the clown’s name. He turns his attention back to the clown and the men, curious as to what the man means. 

The men have started to kick Feste in their vulnerable spots: head, ribs and stomach, and back. Feste laughs as they cough and blood spews from their mouth, tongue poking out to lick their lips.

”God, this bitch is so lewd. Wanna take her home and wreck this little body.” The man who spoke, raises his hand to signal the others to stop. He crouches down, roughly grabs Feste by their dunce cap and raises their head so they look at him.

”That’ll cost extra.” A small, hoarse voice comes from the clown, garbled by blood. Under the blood and the hoarseness is a smooth yet taunting voice. Not unlike his own, Hisoka muses.

The clown’s smile grows wider, as if knowing the next events.

The man growls, stands up quickly with Feste still in his hands, and knees the clown in the face. “Fuck paying you, bitch.”

Disappointment makes Hisoka sigh as he watches the clown go still as they are thrown to the ground.

”C’mon, boys.” The man who delivered the blow to Feste’s face orders. “Best not to stick around for long unless we wanna get caught.”

As Hisoka turns to leave, he notices that the crowd is beginning to grow anxious and are murmuring amongst themselves, yet aren’t moving from their spots.

Just as he was about to shrug it off to shock and turn to leave, he hears a quiet, gargled laugh. He whirls around and sees Feste the clown on their feet, seemingly uninjured despite the physical signs. Using Gyo, Hisoka checks if the clown is or was using Ko to protect themselves but found no such signs of Nen usage.

”Although I enjoy a good beating,” the clown saunters towards the men, who have turned to face them. “My services are not free.”

”Yeah? We don’t owe you shit, whore.”

The clown hums and swiftly jumps in the air, performing a forward somersault before landing on the man’s head hands first. “What a shame then.” Their feet dig into the man’s chest while they use their hands to pull off his head.

The crowd cheers as blood splatters in the air and comes down like rain, and the clown leaps off the man to land on the ground. His companions all stare in shock before turning to flee.

The clown sighs without breaking their smile. Darting in front of the men faster than the (normal) human eye can see (Hisoka totally saw), the petite clown tsks. “My payment? Or do you want to end up like your boss over there?”

”Stupid clown!” One of the men screams as they all charge towards Feste. In the blink of an eye, they all stop. In less than a second, blood oozes from lacerations in their necks. Feste, looking as if they had transported ten feet away, licks the blade of a knife that seemingly came out of nowhere.

The crowd, silent after the death of the leader, give another round of deafening applause and shouts of Feste’s name as said clown bows dramatically. Money is being thrown at the ground which the clown stands on.

Hisoka licks his lips. If this young clown could learn Nen, then perhaps one day they’d be an opponent that Hisoka would cherish fighting.

Feste bows one last time as the crowd dispersed, leaving them to pick up the change around them. Hisoka saunters towards them, using In to conceal his presence, as they start to lightly walk down an alleyway, humming to themselves.

”Hey, Rocko!” Their voice booms in the almost empty alleyway, calling towards a thin man in a tattered suit leaning against a wall.

”That was pretty dicey, Feste.” The man scolds the young clown.

”Pffft,” the clown laughs. “As if those dumbasses could take me on and win.”

”Hmm,” Rocko examines Feste. “But he could’ve knocked you out with that knee. Looks like your nose is broken.”

Feste smiles wildly before gripping their bloody nose hard. “Didn’t notice.” Rocko grimaces. “Anyway, here’s half of the cash I got, for leading them here.”

Hisoka is rarely surprised, but hearing the clown say that really took him aback. The clown was looking to get beat? He should’ve expected it from the apparent arousal that Feste was exuding while being beat, but it had surprised him that they were paying someone else to find fighters for them.

”They coulda been stronger, though,” the clown leans against the wall next to Rocko. “And they called me a girl.” A pout in the shape of a smile etched onto the clown’s face, surprising Hisoka more that such an expression existed.

”Yes, well, a lot of these brutes are pigs,” The man explained with a dismissive wave. “Let their dicks and ego take control of their brains.”

Feste giggled. “That’s true.”

Rocko left soon after.

Deciding to approach, Hisoka released his In, causing Feste to immediately glance in his direction and catch him in the eye.

”Ah,” Feste began before Hisoka could. “If you want to fight, I have to decline.”

The magician chuckled. “I only fight those who have a chance at fighting me, and those without Nen don’t typically survive.”

”Who says I don’t have Nen?” Feste walked up to Hisoka, having to arch their neck up to be able to maintain eye contact, yet not losing confidence.

Hisoka crouched as if to belittle the clown. “Little girls like you know how to use Nen? What a surprise.” He said with a purr.

Feste’s smile only grew wider but a small twitch of their eyebrows gave away their annoyance. “I know of you, Hisoka, but you don’t know anything about me. I’ll admit that you are able to defeat me in a fight, but I don’t see how fighting me would give you your entertainment.”

”Because you don’t have Nen?” Hisoka teased.

”Because I know you’re stronger than me,” Feste inched closer. “So I’ll let you kill me. Without a fight.”

Although Hisoka had already known of the masochism and, judging by Feste’s arms, the suicidal tendencies, the refusal to fight against stronger opponents baffled him. What’s the fun in that?

“And I’m not little,” the clown huffed without breaking their smile. “Or a girl. And I do have Nen, I just choose not to use it.”

Disinterested, Hisoka stood back up. However, he was curious. “Hmm. Then what’s your Nen ability?”

With a wink, their pointer finger flew to their lips. “That’s a secret.”

”Hmm.” Hisoka had to admit, Feste was amusing to watch and it was obvious they were very powerful. If only he could convince them to fight him.

”It’d be cool to be killed by a fellow performer though,” the clown beamed up at him. “Can you show me a magic trick?”

The magician’s grin grew wider without him knowing. It was rare someone actually wanted to see his magic even though he’s one of the best magicians in the world (according to himself). Then the thought occurred to him.

”I’ll show you a magic trick-“

”Fuck yeah!”

“But for a price.”

Feste looked up at him quizzically then shrugged. “Take my money if you want then, not like I need it.”

The mystery around this clown grows (see: the plot thickens).

”Become my assistant,” Hisoka’s eyes glowed in the dark alley. “Every good magician needs an assistant, after all.”

”Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t think i wrote hisoka well, but i tried my best. im also bad at action scenes and my reasoning for their partnership is pretty bad but it sounded reasonable in my head.  
> if you wanna see Feste, let me know  
> go easy on me~


	2. Smells Like Deadbeat Clowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just why Feste said yes and what happens before the Hunter's exam  
> cw/tw: blood, self-harm (but not extreme)

"Alright." Feste starts after hearing Hisoka's proposition. "But only if you give me a painful death when we inevitably fight."

The clown keeps surprising Hisoka, which that in itself surprises the magician.

As simple as this clown acts and looks, Hisoka understands that Feste is incredibly perceptive and intelligent (which Hisoka isn't sure is intentional or not). "So you understand my plans?" Hisoka chuckles and pats the clown's head. "Looks like you aren't a little girl then."

The pout-smile comes back. "You're gonna keep me around because you want me to get stronger, right? I'm not sure how tailing you is going to make me stronger, but I understand that those are your intentions."

Hisoka's eyes narrow. "You're aware of who I am. I'm a simple magician. I see danger, I step in. I'm sure that if I bring you along, you'll have both the entertainment and the training. Isn't that a good deal?"

"Yeah, I guess," Feste shrugs and their smile grows impossibly. "But the idea of the great Hisoka killing me already sealed the deal."

The clown’s eyes close and their eyebrows furrow as their tongue slips out to quickly be bitten by teeth (it’s a wonder the organ has not been cut off) and a blush spreads across their face.

Hisoka understands bloodlust and pleasure from pain, and although he understands the excitement of being beat by a stronger opponent (don’t misunderstand, it’s never happened to him; no, no), but he doesn’t understand why this clown, who could easily be incredibly strong if they tried, would throw away that power to die. Then again, Hisoka does have his own self destructive tendencies. Oh well, best not to dwell on the character of someone he’ll soon fight. “Being killed by someone as handsome as me would be an honor, yes.” He dramatically poses.

Feste’s eye reopen to see Hisoka’s pose and a chortle is heard from them.

~

”Why do you want to take the Hunter’s Exam?”

Soon after their discussion, Hisoka explained what his next endeavor was and they left. Feste had nothing to take besides a small backpack in the shape of a cat head with nothing inside but an extra pair of their suit and various knives. On an airship heading toward the island where the exam takes place, Feste is gripping a pocket knife by the blade.

Hisoka hummed, watching the blood flow down their wrists, adorned by the scars and bite marks that litter their arms. “The Hunter’s License is quite beneficial to have, don't you think? You should take it too, since you’re going to be helping me with my more... criminal activities.”

”It’s going to be boring,” Feste wipes away the blood on their arms and blade with an already bloodied towel and puts the pocket knife away. “Besides, how is it supposed to help me get stronger, hmmmm?”

During the small amount of time together, Hisoka deduced three things about Feste. One, they get bored very easily. Two, they have not stopped smiling once. Even in their sleep, the clown has a small grin. And three, the small clown wears a binder. Hisoka’s smirk grows as he remembers the previous night.

_Steam clouds the bathroom of one of the airship’s bedrooms, where Hisoka and Feste reside in. Hisoka waits his turn as he begrudgingly lets Feste shower first. He actually tried to convince Feste to shower with him (he’s a man with needs and the clown’s body is not helping him), but Feste threatened him with a large fee that they were not going to let go unpaid._

_The clown’s refusal to shower with him confused him, not in the sense that he felt that he was entitled but in the sense that Feste seemed so uncomfortable despite obviously being self-confident (plus the clown made it clear that they were attracted to him). He understood that the clown was non-binary from the start and that they were very confident in their gender, but being to shy to shower with someone else? Hisoka was confused but he isn’t a rapist, so he agreed to wait his turn._

_As he was thinking and sitting on the bed, facing the bathroom door, Feste walked out naked save for the binder and a pair of underwear they were wearing. “Your turn, Hisoka.”_

_Hisoka’s thoughts immediately went from pondering over the clown to “???”_

_The clown’s body looked even thinner than when they were wearing the suit and their waist was smaller than his own. Of course, Hisoka quickly chalked this down to malnourishment (Feste admitted earlier during lunch that they only eat once a day because that’s what they were used to) and constant blood loss. But what caught his eye was the white curly hair that reached just above their shoulders. He wondered if it was natural or not. “Does the carpet match the drapes?” He grinned, leaning forward._

_Feste walked closer to him, where (due to Feste’s height) they were face to face. “Wanna check?”_

_Hisoka’s left hand flew to the small of Feste’s back, where he held them there. Still looking into the clown’s dark almost black eyes, the index finger of his right hand inserted itself inside the middle of Feste’s underwear and pulled slightly down. His eyes glanced down to see that their hair color is indeed natural. He hums. “Why are your eyebrows a different color?”_

_“I dye my eyebrows black because it’s weird having white eyebrows, don’t you think?” Hisoka’s eyes dart back up to Feste’s face as his hands let go of the clown who throws themselves on the bed, next to Hisoka. “Ah, sorry for not letting you shower with me. Haven’t showered in a while and i don’t want to have my idol thinking I’m a pig. Hope you don’t mind me sleeping almost naked.”_

_He stands and walks to the bathroom, ready for his shower despite the urge to tear the clown apart. Patience always led to a sweeter satisfaction. At the doorway, he turns and watches as Feste makes themselves comfortable on the side of the bed nearest to the bathroom. “Would you squeal like one if I asked you to?”_

_They stare back at Hisoka, eyebrows slightly raising. “If you eat me after.”_

_Both the sexual and non sexual implication of their answer caused his smirk to widen as he closed the door._

”I guess you’re right,” Hisoka responds as Feste grabs a different knife.

~

“Isn’t your exam that way?” Feste points at some big tree. “Why are we going into town?”

Having arrived, Hisoka led them into where everyone thought the exam was taking place. “We’re meeting somebody. You also need a place to stay while I take the exam.”

”Ooooh,” Feste’s eye’s shine with excitement. “Who are we meeting?”

”Him.” Hisoka point a long finger at a man with pins in his face, who seems to be twitching. “We met on a clown dating website.”

”You look too hot to be his boyfriend,” the clown whispers as they approach.

Hisoka chuckles. “Illumi,” he calls out to the pin headed man.

Pinhead turned around and slightly nodded in recognition of the magician, but slightly narrowed his eyes at his shorter, clown-ier companion.

”We finally meet at last,” Feste pretends to draw out a sword. “Illu-mistress.”

”What is this?” Illumi ignores the clown, causing comical tears to run down their face, smile still not fading.

“This,” Hisoka grabs Feste and hoists them up like a cat to face the assassin. “Is Feste, my new assistant.”

”Yo.” Hisoka puts them down.

Illumi sighs and turns. “And why,” he leads the duo to an empty alley, “is this clown calling me ‘Illu-mistress’?” 

”Oh, honey,” Hisoka holds a hand over his heart in fake hurt. “Are we breaking up?”

Illumi ignores him and holds starts to pull off his needles (“Watch this, you’ll like it”), revealing a “pretty boy” (see: Feste’s thoughts) with long black hair, large empty eyes, and an expressionless face.

“Wow,” Feste breathes out. “Who are you?”

”That is classified information,” Illumi says quickly, causing Hisoka to giggle.

”You can trust them,” Hisoka pats the clown’s head. “My assistant’s a good kitten.”

”Meow.”

”I am Illumi Zoldyck.”

The magician and the assassin both see the cluelessness on the clown’s face. “Ah.”

”Of the Zoldyck family,” Illumi says more sharply.

”Yes...?”

At this point, Hisoka is doubled over, clutching his stomach and laughing uncontrollably.

”The world’s most famous assassins?” Illumi is more confused as to why Hisoka has a clueless idiot as a pet than annoyed that said idiot doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “Are you stupid?”

The pout-smile that surprised Hisoka also ended up surprising Illumi. “No need to be so mean. I’m just joshing around.”

”...... joshing?”

Hisoka is leaning against the alley wall for balance.

”You know,” Feste shrugs and closes their eyes. “Joking around.” Just as Illumi was going to speak, the clown’s eyes opened and the aura around them darkened. “Are you stupid.”

Illumi’s expression (or lack of) cracked and his eyebrow twitched.

Hisoka is now deceased.

~

After Hisoka calmed down, Illumi handed him the communication device that they would be using during the exam (since he’s too shy to ask for Hisoka’s phone number, Feste concludes) and Illumi is filled in on what Hisoka knows of his new assistant and Feste is filled in on who Illumi is.

”Isn’t it dangerous for two fools with a death wish and a penchant for sadomasochism to form a partnership?”

”I’m a magician.”

”I’m a clown.”

”And I am going to need new acquaintances.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i wrote Hisoka and Illumi alright :(


	3. Nice Weather For Clowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i forgot to mention that Hisoka and Feste both have phones and they have exchanged numbers  
> this might be a mess but hope you enjoy :)))

**During the preliminary phase**

###  **Suicide Squad**

**Feste** :lolol how’s the exam

 **Hisoka** :still going thru prelims lol ⭐️🙄💧

 **Feste** :lol must suck to be you ^0w0^

**read**

**Pesty** :hey! >:0

** Message not sent **

~

**After the preliminary phase, before the start of the first phase**

###  **Sewer-cide Squad**

**Hisucker** : lol made some dude’s arm disappear with ~magic~

 **Pesty** : send pic?

 **Hisucker** : [photo sent]

 **Pesty** : lol what’d he do

 **Hisucker** : ...

 **Hisucker** : he bumped into me

 **Pesty** : ...

 **Pesty** : he bumped into you?

 **Hisucker** : without apologizing

 **Pesty** : PFFFFT HAHA

 **Pesty** : HE DIDNT SAY SORRY TO YOUR HIGHNESS???

 **Hisucker** : ⭐️-_-💧

 **Pesty** : PLEASE SPARE ME FROM YOUR WRATH, MY LIEGE

 **Hisucker** : I’d prefer if you called me master~

 **Hisucker** : lol the exams about to start

 **Pesty** : ^👀^

 **Pesty** : lol okay see you later

~

**During the first phase**

###  **The Queen and Her Fool**

**Fester** : hisoka

 **Fester** : hiso

 **Fester** : hiso hiso

 **Fester** : soka

 **Fester** : soka soka

 **Fester** : dadsoka

 **Fester** : hisodaddy

 **Fester** : papa magic

 **Fester** : ...

 **Fester** : master~~~

 **Hiso** : yes? ⭐️^^💧

 **Fester** : im in the hospital lol

 **Hiso** : and? ive been running for hours stfu

 **Hiso** : what’d you do lol

 **Fester** : room service found me bleeding all over the floor so the bitch called an ambulance 🙄🙄🙄

 **Fester** : then the stupid fuckin doctors strapped me down because “im a danger to myself and others”

 **Fester** : like bitch shut up

 **Fester** : anyway, so i broke out and wanted to let you know i’ll be changing locations

 **Hiso** : damn, bitches don’t know how to mind their own business huh 🙄

 **Hiso** : just send me your location

 **Fester** : aight

 **Fester** : gotta bounce, hear sirens lol

 **Hiso** : lol okay

 **Fester** : ✌️😗

~

**Before the second phase**

###  **Magic Enthusiasts**

**Soka** : just fought a bunch of pricks ⭐️🙄💧

 **Soka** : met a few interesting characters too

 **Fest** : inch arresting

 **Fest** : what were they like?

 **Soka** : some blonde boy, a headstrong geezer, and a cute little boy ⭐️>///<💧 jk

 **Fest** : pedo

 **Soka** : he was strong too

 **Soka** : thinking of fighting him does turn me on tho

 **Soka** : more so than you~

 **Fest** : i can’t believe you’re going to cheat on me

 **Fest** : with a kid 😔

 **Soka** : ⭐️🙄💧

 **Soka** : the next examiner is talking

 **Fest** : yeah yeah

**. . .**

**Soka** : i suddenly remembered i can’t cook

**. . .**

**Soka** : Guess I’ll be disqualified again

 **Fest** : why lol

 **Soka** : might end up murdering my examiner

 **Soka** : again ⭐️🥴💧

 **Fest** : thought he lived

 **Soka** : oh yeah

 **Soka** : ah shit my bloodlust is seeping out

 **Soka** : double shit, Netero is here 

**Fest** : ???

 **Soka** : gotta go

 **Fest** : kay

~

**On the airship**

###  **Carnival’s in Town**

**Magician** : being sent to next phase on an airship

 **Magician** : how boring

 **Clown** : thinking of you 🖤

 **Magician** : oh~?

 **Magician** : and what are you doing~?

 **Clown** : watching IT

 **Clown** : crazy strong clown targeting kids? its you 🖤

 **Magician** : ...

 **Magician** : ⭐️-_-💧

 **Clown** : ^>w<^

 **Clown** : 🖤🖤🖤

 **Magician** : check out my tower of cards

 **Magician** : [photo sent]

 **Clown** : bitch i know you’re using nen

 **Magician** : you’re so mean today~

 **Magician** : it turns me on~

 **Clown** : ^👀^

 **Magician** : wanna see~?

 **Clown** : from my experience, magician wieners are small 😭

**Read**

**Clown** : i’m kidding!

**Message not sent**

~

**After Hisoka passes the third phase**

###  **Hiso Come Back!**

**Pest** : unblock me~

 **Hisoka ❤️** : got attacked by the examiner i tried to kill last time

 **Pest** : he dead?

 **Hisoka ❤️** : yeah

 **Hisoka ❤️** : took a pic for you

 **Hisoka ❤️** : [photo sent]

 **Hisoka ❤️** : turned on~

 **Pest** : ya have to wait till you get back~ 

**Hisoka ❤️** : the third phase still has 60 some hours left ⭐️🙄💧

 **Pest** : damn lol

 **Hisoka ❤️** : want to see Illumi?

 **Pest** : do i ever?!

 **Hisoka ❤️** : [photo sent]

 **Pest** : ...

 **Pest** : ^òmó^

 **Hisoka ❤️** : ⭐️^^💧 ❤️

 **Pest** : i’m blocking you

 **Pest** : text you when the 60 some hours are over >:(

 **Hisoka ❤️** : no~ i’ll be bored~

 **Pest** : good

 **Hisoka ❤️** : no~

** Message not sent **

~

**The first day of the fourth phase**

###  **Feste Come Back!**

🤡: Fest~

🤡: come back~

 **Feste ❤️** : >:(

🤡: kitten~!

 **Feste ❤️** : >:((

 **Feste ❤️** : i forgive you only cause i said your wiener is tiny ^uwu^

🤡: ...

🤡: won’t be able to talk much for the next week lol

 **Feste ❤️** : a week?

 **Feste ❤️** : how long is this fuckin test >:(

🤡: you’ll live~

🤡: i’ll text you randomly, don’t worry~

 **Feste ❤️** : what’ll i do 😭

🤡: just don’t get bored~!

**. . .**

🤡: here’s a pic of the real Illumi~

🤡: [photo sent]

 **Feste ❤️** : thank you Hiso~

 **Feste ❤️** : i love you so much~

🤡: who doesn’t~

 **Feste ❤️** : 🙄

**. . .**

🤡: met those two again~

🤡: they made me laugh~

 **Feste ❤️** : hm?

🤡: time to go on a killing spree

 **Feste ❤️** : ???

**. . .**

🤡: kid came back~

🤡: punched him~

 **Feste ❤️** : you’re a pedo

🤡: ...

~

**Final phase**

###  **Nice Weather For Clowns**

**master~** : final phase starts tomorrow ⭐️😩💧

 **kitten~** : yay!

 **master~** : hope i fight someone tomorrow 🙄

 **kitten~** : i’ll be right back :)

 **master~** : hmmm okay

**. . .**

**kitten~** : just took a shower~

 **kitten~** : [photo sent]

 **master~** : ...

On the second or third ring, Feste answers their phone. “Yello?”

”That was quite a photo you sent me,” his voice is dark yet smooth.

”Well,” they start, voice equally smooth but light in tone. “Thought I should take advantage of the full body mirror that the hotel I’m staying at provided.”

”Yes,” the magician purred. “It would have been a waste.”

”Besides, it was compensation for teasing your... friend’s size.”

Hisoka frowned at the laugh that accompanied the clown’s teasing words. “How about I show you what my friend can do? See if it’s still worth laughing over? Hm?”

A small sigh and shuffling sounding through the phone’s speaker gave Hisoka the indication that Feste was enjoying their conversation as much as he was. “Yeah? Can he do magic tricks?”

“Is rearranging your guts a magic trick?”

“Not very magi-“

”Or splitting you open?” His smile grew as he palms himself through his pants. “I’m sure it’d be a magic trick you’d enjoy.”

An almost inaudible whine. “Thought you were interested in the kid.

”Jealous, are we?” He chuckles lowly, causing shivers to crawl down Feste’s spine as they bring their wrist to their mouth. “Kids don’t interest me. Power does. And I must say,” they bite down hard as they hear him talk. “Your power interests me most at the moment.”

He hears a squelching sound and keening coming from the clown’s throat. “Too bad I won’t show you my nen hehe.” 

”Hmm, we’ll find out soon.”

As Feste is about to speak, Netero requests Hisoka’s presence, causing the magician to groan in annoyance.

”Netero is calling me in for an interview.”

”Awwwww that sucks,” the clown whine childishly.

”We’ll talk tomorrow,” he stands and grins cockily. “I need to get my beauty sleep after.”

”Whatever, your highness.”

**. . .**

**master~** : this kid’s stubborn 

**master~** : god, i want to fight him

 **kitten~** : damn, must be strong

 **master~** : stronger than you~

 **kitten~** : i’m wounded 😔

 **kitten~** : sike lol

 **master~** : your apathy wounds ME

 **kitten~** : riling me up won’t get me to fight you~

 **master~** : >:(

 **master~** : he won... sort of

 **kitten~** : :0

**. . .**

**master~** : damn, Illumi’s brother is here

 **master~** : [photo sent]

 **kitten~** : looks nothing like him

 **master~** : you should watch this

 **master~** : i’ll record ~sneakily~

 **kitten~** : okay~!

 **master~** : [video sent]

 **master~** : he threatened to kill Gon!

 **kitten~** : ??

 **master~** : the kid

 **kitten~** : LOL

 **kitten~** : go Illumi!

 **master~** : he already won ⭐️🙄💧

 **kitten~** : loomi loomi he’s our man~

 **master~** : ...

**. . .**

**master~** : our boy’s brother has some mad killing skills

 **kitten~** : did you take a video?

 ** **master~** : yeah~**

**master~** : [video sent]

 **master~** : i’m adding him to my fight list

 **kitten~** : don’t think Illumi would like that~

 **master~** : nope~

**. . .**

**master~** : LOL GON JUST BROKE ILLUMI’S ARM

 **kitten~** : NO WHY

 **master~** : YOU SAW THE VIDEO

 **kitten~** : 😭

 **kitten~** : send him my condolences

 **kitten~** : and ask him for his number 😳

 **master~** : he said no

 **kitten~** : so mean~

 **master~** : i’ll be there soon

 **kitten~** : hell yeah! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, the setting is modern, but the plot is still the same  
> also, the name for Hisoka is chosen and changed by Feste, and vice versa. and the chat name is usually named by Feste


	4. Mommas, Don’t Let Your Children Grow Up To Be Clowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka and Feste make it to Heaven’s Arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw// blood, nsfw

”So, we’re going to Heaven’s Arena now?”

”Capital of fighting,” Hisoka smiles as the airship nears their destination. “Perfect place for people like us, don’t you think?”

Feste shrugs. “Used to be sold to fighting rings, y’know.” Something flashes behind the clown’s dark eyes that Hisoka doesn’t quite interpret. “And other types o’ rings.”

Hisoka doesn’t know how to respond, honestly. This is unlike the clown. Feste, as Hisoka knows, is skin-deep. Throughout their interactions, which have been many as they have been traveling together, the clown’s tone has only ever been light and playful, never giving away what they are truly thinking. In truth, Hisoka thought that the clown was incapable of emotion. This small window of weakness surprised Hisoka (for the umpteenth time, damn clown).

The clown’s arm rested on a sill and their chin rested on their palm, watching as the airship lands. Smile never fading. “‘Least I got to learn how to fight. Soon after, learned Nen to be sold to some other type of fighting ring.” A bitter sigh. “Was so boring to be sold. Having to fight for someone else’s entertainment.” A glimmer as they faced the magician, who is listening intently but keeping his composure aloof. He was interested in the clown, but he didn’t want Feste to have an advantage over him. “Then, I started letting myself get beat. Took a while, but the pain started to morph into something else if ya catch my drift.”

”No,” the magician smirks, leaning forward. “I don’t think I do.”

”Pain became the only reason to live, even after they stopped selling and betting. Chicks who don’t fight back don’t sell as much, fucking pigs.” They stand from their seat and start walking off the airship, Hisoka at their side. The sky is dark. “So I’m homeless at that point and I don’t have shit to eat. I let people beat me up for some cash, easy money.”

”Why didn’t you just die?” Hisoka asked, again surprised at the clown’s will to live.

They opt to walk to Heaven’s Arena, both tired of sitting around doing nothing. “Hard to explain. I’m pretty sure death isn’t as painful as living.”

”And why the clown costume?” Hisoka leads the two, as Feste has never been outside of Yorknew City. “By the way, that color scheme is pretty boring~”

A blush dusts across the clown’s face. “Clowns are hot. And tricks get you more money, duh.”

”I think you’re lying,” he stops walking and faces the petite clown. “Your smile gets bigger when you lie.”

”My smile gets bigger when I’m horny too,” Feste’s eyes avoid Hisoka’s.

”And you get defensive,” he starts backing them into an alley. “And you make more innuendos.”

”I didn’t know you were doing a character analysis, Hiso.”

”And I didn’t know you weren’t aware,” successfully trapping Feste against a wall in an alley, away from the public eye. He leans down and brings his lips next to their ear, his left hand bracing himself on the wall just above their head and right hand on his hip. “Since you know all about me.”

”Fine,” they huff. “Maybe I was a bit inspired by you.”

“Just a bit?” A self satisfied smirk is on his face and the clown can hear it.

”I dunno where I heard about you first,” their smile turned sheepish as he faced them. “Just that it was a year or two ago. The thought of someone as strong as you killing me painfully was what really pushed me to live, haha.” Their brows furrowed as their eyes finally meet his eyes yet their smile doesn’t go away. “Became obsessed. Figured if you couldn’t kill me, I’d just become like you.”

Silence met the clown’s confession. Hisoka’s expression was unreadable to Feste. A slight twitch in the clown’s smile gave Hisoka the indication of nervousness from them. “I want to break you,” the magician leaned in closer, his lips ghosting over theirs. “But it’d be rude to break a fan of mine~”

“Was a godsend we met,” they whined, the sound needy and delicious to Hisoka’s ears. Their hands reach out to grab onto the fabric of Hisoka’s top. “I only want you to kill me, Hiso. And I want it brutal.”

”Such a shame,” his right hand left his hip to caress Feste’s neck. “You still need to get stronger for me to do that, kitten~”

The clown was panting, the thought of death sending waves a pleasure through their body. Hisoka watched in amusement as their eyes were blown out with lust and as their hands left his shirt to latch onto the hand above their neck, attempting to tighten it. Their hips were rolling against nothing and their tongue was caught between their teeth, causing blood to stain their teeth and bottom lip. His own arousal would have also gotten the better of him if he hadn’t remembered that this fruit was still not ripe. In time. But for now, his knee between their legs was enough.

Feste unabashedly humped his leg as if they were a stray dog (more like stray cat, Hisoka thinks). He tightens his grip on their throat slightly, causing a squeal to erupt from the clown. In one swift motion, the clown hooks one leg around his waist, then the other. They start rubbing themselves against his midsection, hips and lower back being supported by the top half of their back leaning against the wall and the hand at their throat.

Hisoka lets out a hiss as they start gyrating lower, coming into contact with his erection. He tightens his grip on their neck and lets go of the wall, reaching between their legs. He watches as Feste’s eyes widen in confusion, smile small but present. “You’re not ready for me to destroy you,” he explains, hand making contact with their clothed cunt. The clown whines, hands moving from the hand on their neck to grab onto Hisoka’s shoulder. Their nails rip the fabric and come into contact with his skin, causing his skin to break in shapes of small crescents. “Ah~. And you’re certainly making it harder for me to hold back.”

”Need,” they whine, words struggling from the hands of their neck. “‘Soka. Please.”

He tuts. “Sorry, kitten,” his soft rubs against their sex become more intense gradually. “But you need to be willing to fight me already~” He leans down again, lips grazing their cheek. “Besides,” he licks their cheek, mouth moving down to the juncture between neck and shoulder, where their suit is in the way. “I think I want to keep you around a little longer.”

His words, his touch on their cunt, his hand on their throat, the bite he delivers has the clown’s eyes rolling back, gasping with what little air they have access to. Their senses are filled with Hisoka, and neither of them have even taken one article of clothing off. The magician chuckles as he leans back and watches the clown dry hump his fingers. “Only want you,” Feste chokes out. “I’ll train if it means you’ll fuck me or kill me or whatever.”

Their words send a chill down Hisoka’s spine, their blind devotion to him arousing in its own right. Hisoka wasn’t the type to share his toys willingly, so naturally, he was a possessive (and maybe obsessive) person. A low hum (a growl, really) came from the magician and Feste willed their eyes to look at him. “I hope you know what you’re getting into, clown,” his eyes darkened with hunger and something akin to lust. “You’re mine, now.”

That, and a small swipe of his tongue against their lips, was enough to trigger Feste’s orgasm. He could feel them gush against his fingers, liquids muffled by the body suit. Their eyes were closed tight and their eyebrows furrowed as they cried out the magician’s name.

After a while of riding out their orgasm, the clown calmed down, eyes still closed with a relaxed smile on their face. “I’m serious,” their eyes opened, fixated on Hisoka’s face. “Ever since I heard of you, I knew I wanted you to be the one to kill me. But I don’t want to bore you. So I’ll become stronger, for you.”

”Then we should get working, hm?” His smirk grew, how could this kitten bore him? “Mind telling me your Nen ability now?”

”No way,” the clown grinned up at him. “It’s a secret.”

Hisoka hummed. “But you’ll use it when we fight?”

”Of course,” the clown’s legs released themselves from the magician’s waist. “I may have a death wish, but I’m not a chump. It’s an advantage I have over you and I plan on _milking_ it.”

”How exciting,” Hisoka purred. “Ready to go?”

They left the alley, continuing their trek to Heaven’s Arena. When they reached the Celestial Tower, Feste looked up. Hisoka heard a mumble come from the clown’s mouth, looking down to see them blushing. “Hmm?”

”This suit was the only one they had in my size.”

~

”Sorry about your shirt,” the duo, having registered, were leaning against a wall, waiting for their names to be called in to fight. Unknown to Feste, Hisoka paid the receptionist to delay Feste’s fight for a few hours.

”I was due for an outfit change anyway,” Hisoka patted the clown’s head. “You should consider an outfit change, too. Would you like me to recommend personal designers?”

”No, I’m fine,” Feste waved him off, cheeks dusted with pink. “My outfit reminds me of my favorite clown.”

”I would never wear black and white!” Hisoka’s tone is playfully offended. “I thought you knew me better than that~”

”Psssh,” Feste snickers. “You’re far from my favorite clown, dummy. Ever seen Terrifier?”

Hisoka learned that Feste was a horror movie fiend when he caught them masturbating (by masturbating, he means aggressively chomping down on their arm and loudly moaning) to Halloween and by being victim to Feste’s countless offers to watch several violent movies. “You know I don’t watch those movies. Gore in real life is more arousing.”

”Well, duh,” the clown rolled their eyes. “But you don’t see sexy ass clowns slaughtering people everyday.”

”Yes, you do~” A long finger points at himself.

”Shut the fu-“ Hisoka’s name is called to the fight.

”Ah! That’s me,” Hisoka starts to walk towards the arena filled with fighters. “By the way, I made sure we won’t encounter each other until you reach the 200th floor~”

”You dickweed!” The clown’s expression was annoyed, yet that damned smile (see: Hisoka’s thoughts) has ceased to go away.

”Ta-ta~” He waves tauntingly. “Don’t die~”

With a huff, Feste crosses their arms across their chest and wait for their turn to fight.

Three hours passed until Feste’s name was called. The clown was a nervous wreck from all the waiting and doing nothing. Their palms were littered with crescent shaped wounds and blood dripped down their hands.

What their opponent saw was a frenzied black and white clown before they quickly tipped the opponent over and bashed the opponent’s head into the ground until the floor was covered in blood. The other fighters all stopped to gawk at the bloody spectacle and the 1st floor arena was silent.

“U-uh,” Feste whipped around to face the referee, blood splattered onto their face and eyes wild. The referee backed away, arms raised in defense. “Y-you’re able to proceed onto the 50th floor, ma’am.”

Feste tripped the referee, causing him to land face first in the blood. “Thank you, sir.”

On the elevator to the 50th floor, another fighter and the elevator attendant were both wary of the clown. Then Feste realized that their face and costume had splatters of blood, and they smiled sheepishly at the other two, offering a small shrug.

On the 50th floor, they were presented with their winnings. “Waaahh,” Feste whined. “Only enough for a drink?”

The fights that continue are exceedingly easy for the clown, having snapped all their necks (okay, maybe not that easy since their height had them climbing on their opponents’ backs) to avoid getting more blood on their suit.

After their fight on the 90th floor, they received a text from Hisoka.

 **Dumbass** : saw your fights~ im proud of you~

 **Crybaby** : blocked

When they learned the news that they would be getting a bed on the next floor, they were ecstatic. On their way to the room, they saw a familiar mess of silver hair. Quickly, they forgot about their excitement and bounded over to the silverette and his companion.

”Loomi’s brother!” The clown startled the two boys who were about to enter a room. “You look nothing like him!”

”Who are you,” the silver-haired boy asks. Both boys get into defensive stances upon seeing the bloody clown. “And who’s ‘Loomi’.”

”I think she means Illumi, Killua.” The other boy speaks up, seemingly angry.

”Yes,” the clown nods. “Il-loooomi, _Killua_. And you must be Gon.”

”How do you know my brother?” His stance doesn’t let up, and his eyes and tone resemble scared prey. “Did he send you?”

Feste’s hands raise in surrender. “No, he’s just an acquaintance (his words). I’m Feste.” They stick their hand out.

Killua eyes their hand and then scans the clown’s face. “You’re all bloody and creepy. How can we trust you, woman?”

The clown slumps over. “I don’t even look like a girl.” They straighten again. “I’m not saying you can trust me, I just said that your brother didn’t send me.”

”Then how do you know who I am?” Gon was already out of his defensive stance and faced the slightly shorter clown.

Feste snickered. “You broke Illu’s arm, didn’t you?”

The boys gaped at each other. “How did you know?” They said in unison.

”That’s a secret,” the clown winked at them. Suddenly Feste’s aura darkened, causing Killua and Gon to stiffen and reminding Killua of his brother. “I hope we fight. If I kill either of you, the consequences will be fatal.”

The aura was gone as quick as it came, and then Feste bade them farewell, going back to searching for their room.

In their assigned room, they jumped on their bed after stripping off all their clothes and quickly unblocked and dialed Hisoka. After three rings, the magician answered.

“Hiso~” The clown purred. “Guess who I met!”

”I’m busy, kitten,” on the other line, Feste can hear grunts and moans.

”Blech,” Feste’s nose crinkles. “I don’t think I want to tell you anymore.”

The magician chuckles. “Jealous~?”

”As if!” Feste’s extremely jealous. “I just know you’ll nut when you hear the news, pedo.”

”Ah, you met Illumi’s brother,” a particular loud moan is heard. “And Gon?”

”Waah,” the clown sobs comically. “I’m hanging up.”

”Poor kitten,” Hisoka groans out. “You’re the one who gave me all this pent up arousal.”

Their breathe hitches in their throat. “I didn’t do anything! You’re the one who decided to... do that.”

“Shy? Very uncharacteristic of you,” his voice lowers. “Is it because of me~?”

”Stop teasing, Hiso,” Feste’s face is bright red. “You’re the one who won’t fuck me.”

”Maybe I should just go to you right now,” the clown can hear the slapping of skin against skin intensifying. “Fuck your brains out~.”

”Hiso,” Feste whines, hands diving between their legs.

”Yes, kitten?” His voice comes out in pants as he drills into the woman beneath him. Then he hears soft moans coming from the clown and he groans. “Are you touching yourself? So naughty~”

”Hah,” the clown is panting, fingers already working inside them. “You should be focusing on-ah!-on that bitch you have over there.”

He looks at the woman beneath him, a stranger he met at one of the Arena’s bars who was all over him. Not his type, but he needed to quell the fire that the clown started. She looked like a mess and was moaning obnoxiously (not as sweet as Feste, he thinks). He chuckles as he takes a picture and sends it to his assistant. “This bitch?”

Feste opened the picture. “She’s way hotter than me! You’re so mean!”

”Hey, sweetheart,” he stops his fucking and the woman looks at him. “My girlfriend-“ “I’m not your girlfriend!” “-thinks you’re hot.”

”Glad to know she thinks so,” the woman moans, grinding on Hisoka’s dick. “Since I’ll be replacing her.”

Hisoka immediately flips her around and forces her head into the mattress. “Ah,” he starts ramming into her at a brutal pace. “My kitten is not a girl and won’t be replaced. Unless you want to fight me~”

”Hiso, don’t be mean to her,” the clown’s fingers fucked harder into their cunt. “She-hnn-doesn’t know who I am and you’re the one who called me a girl.”

”Are you saying you’re rejecting me~” Hisoka chuckles, letting the woman’s head go at Feste’s request. “Fine, but I don’t think she has the guts to replace you, kitten~”

”Stop calling me that,” Feste’s back arches, moans reaching Hisoka’s ear and signaling him of their approaching orgasm. “It doesn’t even make sense.”

”Of course it does,” Hisoka groans as he pounds into the woman beneath him who also sounds like she’s going to cum. “You act just like one~! You’re quick and agile~ even your cap reminds me of cat ears~”

Feste huffed. “I guess.”

“You’re just as cute~ And,” His thrusts speed up and the woman beneath him cums. The tightening spasms on his dick had him moaning in the clown’s ear. He closed his eyes and the images of Feste in the alley brought him close. “You’re my pet now, Feste~”

The clown’s phone drops out of their hand and their hand flies to cover their moans, hips bucking wildly against their other hand as they cum. The moans, however, are not unheard by Hisoka and they spur him into his own orgasm.

”You cumming, kitten?” He moans into the phone, pulling himself out of the woman and finishing on her back. “Ah! Kitten~”

Feste shakily breathes out, face flushed as they bring the phone back to their ear. Despite dropping the phone onto the bed, they still heard Hisoka’s orgasm. “Haaah,” they chuckle tiredly. “Can’t imagine what you’re like in the sack.”

”Why don’t you ask ‘the bitch’, hmm?” He puts the phone in the woman’s face. “How am I in the sack, darling?”

Incoherent moans came from the woman.

”Think she’s fucked out, Hiso,” the clown yawns, getting under the covers.

He taps the woman’s face and smirks. “I’m going to take a shower, by the time I get out, you better be gone~” He brings the phone back to his ear and walks to his bathroom. “You tired, Fest~?”

”Been fighting all day and then this? Yeah, I’m pretty tired.”

”Then rest, kitten~” He starts the shower. “But when it’s your turn, don’t expect this type of leniency~”

The clown sighs contently and closes their eyes. “Promise?”

”Pinky~”

”Goodnight, Hi-so-ka~”

”Night, kitten~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like Hisoka was a little OOC  
> also im not good at writing dirty scenes (or writing in general), but i hope both scenes were okay :)


	5. Bungee Gum Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know how to summarize this chapter so here’s a fun fact: my chapter titles come from a song title generator i found online

After waking up sticky from sweat and their... other fluids, Feste had taken a shower and donned their cleaner spare, then left the room to continue their trek to the 200th floor. The journey to the 190th floor went by faster than the previous floors, despite the fighters supposedly becoming stronger. The lack of excitement gave Feste a burst of anticipation for the 200th floor, hoping for the fighters to be stronger.

“Killua! Gon!” They called out when they reached the elevator the duo were getting on. They ran inside and were slamming the close door button. The clown slithered inside before the doors could fully close, much to the boys’ dismay. “Already going to the 200th floor? So strong!”

”What do you want with us?” Killua questioned, annoyed. Gon pressed the “up” button and then turned to the clown as well.

”Ah!” Feste leaned against the elevator wall and shrugged. “I’m just headed to the 200th floor and it’s too much of a hassle to wait for the next elevator.”

Killua glared suspiciously. “I don’t trust you.”

Gon nudged him. “That’s rude, Killua. What if they’re telling the truth?”

”Waaah,” Feste’s eyes gleamed happily. “Thank you!”

”We still don’t trust you, clown,” Killua huffed, crossing his arms. “We shouldn’t trust anyone who knows Illu-nii.”

Feste snickered. “Then you shouldn’t trust yourself, or Gon.”

His eyes widen while Gon giggles. “I-idiot!”

”What are we going to find at the 200th floor?” Gon changes the subject.

”I don’t know either,” Killua’s eyebrows furrow. “I’ve never been there.”

The boys turn to Feste, who produced a knife from their backpack and is now picking at the dirt and blood under their fingernails. The clown, sensing eyes on them, looks up and their smile turns sheepish. “I dunno.”

The elevator dings, indicating their arrival. Feste puts their knife back in their bag. Gon, Killua, and Feste walk out of the elevator. The clown skips towards the hallway while the two boys are hesitant. Feste turns to look at them, but then realizes the Ren radiating from the hallway. They shrug and prance happily down the corridor. “Soka!”

The boys state at each other in confusion, but quickly go back to worrying about the ominous aura coming from the hallway. Killua’s the one who decides to question the aura. “Who’s there! Show yourself!”

While the 200th floor receptionist reveals herself to the young boys, Feste reaches Hisoka. “Why are you so mean, Soka~? They haven’t even learned Nen yet~”

Hisoka pats the clown’s head and is greeted with Feste grabbing onto his hand and holding it there. “Ah, so clingy~”

”Missed you, idiot. Nice clothes.” The clown practically purrs under the magician’s touch. “So why are you gatekeeping Gon and Killua?”

”Ah,” Hisoka leads Feste around the corner. “You’re right. They’re barely learning Nen. They’ll be killed on this floor before they even get the chance to fight me.”

“Hisoka!?” Gon and Killua exclaim when the duo come into view.

”And Feste!”

”What are you doing here?” Gon questions as both boys ignore the clown.

”So mean~”

”Why so surprised? I love fights, and this is the capital of fights.” Hisoka is as suave as ever, offering the boys a smirk. “I should be the one asking you, shouldn’t I?”

Gon and Killua glance at each other as the magician continues and the clown smiles menacingly at them.

”It’s not a just a coincidence,” Hisoka reassures them. “I was waiting for you.” He raises a knowing finger at them. “You obtained your flying tickets thanks to the electronic network, didn’t you? With some manipulation, it’s easy to find where, when, and how someone moves.” Hisoka brings his finger to his chin, continuing his explanation. “Next, I used a private plane and arrived before you at the airport, where I followed you. (“When the fuck did this happen???”) I was thinking you would come here.” He paused for a second to glance at the confused clown next to him then turned back to Gon and Killua. “But, as an elder, I’m going to teach you something: it’s still too soon,” he waves his hand at them in a shooting motion. “For you to walk the ground on this floor.”

Turns out, the shooing motion was another wave of Ren and Feste watches in amusement as the boys practically fly away. Hisoka sits down, planning to stay there in case the boys try to come back into the hallway. “As for the size of the pit you have to cross, it only depends on you. Come back another time. But now,” he smiles at the two. “It’s too soon.”

Killua let’s out a frustrated growl. “Are you kidding? We’ve already made it here!”

Hisoka raises a hand, freezing Killua and Gon. “You won’t pass,” he lets out a chuckle. “Actually, you can’t pass.”

”Sorry, guys!” The clown offers them a small wave.

Soon after, a messy looking man in glasses come behind the boys and offers to teach them nen.

Feste plops down next to Hisoka while said man talks to Gon and Killua. “I didn’t know we were here for your pedo tendencies,” they huff. “Ya coulda told me.”

“Jealous as always, aren’t you~?” Hisoka rolls his eyes and smirks at the clown. “I’m killing two birds with one stone. I promised Gon I would accept something from him if he punched me.” He explains the entire “deal” he made with the boy.

By the end of the explanation, Feste is rolling in their tears, laughing. “A 12 year old bested you?” They wheeze. “You’re an idiot!”

A punch to the face knocks out the clown.

~

By the time they come to, Gon and Killua are across the hall, radiating Feste recovers quickly and gawks in awe of the boys. “Wah! So cool!”

When Gon and Killua walk across the hall and face Hisoka and Feste, Hisoka gives them a genuine smile. “Welcome to the class of the 200th floor,” he purrs. “It seems you’ll be able to pass without undergoing a baptism.” He points a finger at Gon. “Your intention was to confront me after training here, wasn’t it?”

”The only thing I couldn’t have expected was to see you here,” Gon says determinedly. “It makes it easier for me to win sometime.”

Hisoka chuckles. “You’ve become quite confident since you acquired Nen~” He raises his fingers to produce his Nen, bright pink in color.

”Oooooh,” Feste leans closer to the magician’s fingers. “So pretty.”

He smiles at the clown before continuing. “There is much to learn about Nen,” the bright pink aura around his fingers take shape of a spade and then a skull. “To speak openly, as you are right now,” he stands, followed by Feste. His skull shaped Nen made small zapping noises, eliciting awed cooing from the clown. “I don’t want to fight against you.”

Gon’s face morphs into anger and frustration coupled with shock.

“But,” Hisoka offers before the boy can object. “If you manage to win a single match on this floor, I’ll be your man~”

As Hisoka turns and leaves, Feste smiles widely at Gon and Killua. “Bye, guys!” They turn and catch up to their taller companion.

”Ah~” Hisoka sighs as he leads them to his bedroom/awesome super cool bachelor pad (according to Feste). “Did you see the looks on their faces~? They’re coming to close to ripening~!”

Hisoka hears a huff from the clown and looks down at them. “You didn’t tell me Nen was a requirement for this floor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got their dialogue from the manga, which i am reading as i wrote this story. if im stumped on what they say, i go to the dubbed 2011 anime.  
> also, i know i said chapters were coming in later, but i couldn’t help belting this one out  
> i forgot to make Feste register, so let’s just say that they, at some point, registered for a fight on the 200th floor :)


	6. When Clowns Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw// self harm, blood, kissing >////<

After their encounter with Gon and Killua, Feste registered for their fight and requested for their scheduled date to be sent to Hisoka’s room. When Hisoka and Feste made it to his room, the clown stripped down to their underwear and collapsed on the bed.

”I’m sleeping forever,” the clown burrowed themself into his blankets. “Night, Hiso.”

Hisoka’s eyebrows twitch and his smirk is strained. “Take a shower first.”

”Oh yeah,” they jump out of bed and walk to the shower. “Thanks for reminding me~”

”Want me to join you~?” He stopped the clown and put his hand on their shoulder. “We can have some fun~”

They reach up and grab the collar of his new top. Feste pulls him down so that they are face to face, noses touching. “I don’t much feel like it,” they purr, looking into his eyes. “Maybe another time?”

He groans, reaching for the small of their back. “I’m quite impatient,” Hisoka leans in closer, lips lightly brushing against theirs. “But I’ll wait~”

”Thanks,” the clown closes the distance between the two. The magician grabs onto Feste’s hips with both hands and kisses them back. Feste’s tongue forces itself into his mouth, exploring the wet cavern. Hisoka grins into the kiss and hoists the clown up, forcing them to wrap their legs around his waist.

”Thought you weren’t looking for fun,” he pulls away momentarily. “Or did you just want a taste~?”

“Just a taste,” they bite his lip, drawing blood.

He groans and his right hand grips onto the back of their head, fingers tangling themselves in white locks. “Ah,” he pulls their head back, giving him access to their neck. “My turn.”

The clown cries out as Hisoka bites down on the bruise he already caused. “Hiso-gah!” Both of their hands fly out to grab onto his head.

He pulls back from their neck and the two stare at each other. Feste pants as they find their composure and Hisoka watches with hungry eyes. The magician brushes his lips against their mouth and they kiss him back gently.

When they pull back, their face is scarlet but their breath has calmed down. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to shower, huh?”

”Yes,” he purrs and sets them down. “I’ll be waiting for you in bed, kitten~”

After the clown’s shower, they tiredly curl up next to Hisoka. He gently caresses their hair and they fall asleep almost immediately, a happy smile on their face. The magician watches them sleep for a bit before succumbing to sleep himself.

~

”Waaah,” the clown whines as Hisoka leaves the bed and starts getting dressed. “Where you going? Sleeeeeeeep~”

”We,” at the edge of the bed, Hisoka grabs onto their legs and pull. “Are going to see Gon’s fight. Also, it’s 2:30 in the afternoon.”

”But I like sleep,” Feste grumbles as they hop off the bed and look for their body suit. “Maybe I do need a new pair of clothes.”

”Ah!” Hisoka turns to them quickly, smile plastered on his face in a look of glee. “Finally! Time to get out of these drab colors.”

”Shut up,” they already have their black and white suit and are fastening their headpiece. “Who do you recommend?”

”Me, of course!” A self satisfied smirk replaces his smile, eyes narrowing at the clown. “I’m the best seamstress there is~!”

”You make your own clothes?” They look at him in awe. “You’re so cool!”

”No one is good enough to make this,” Hisoka gestures at his attire. “Besides me~”

Feste looks away, shy. “Would you want to, maybe,” a blush forms on their cheeks. “Make me some new clothes?”

”So bashful,” he purrs and his hand reaches under their cap, rubbing their scalp. “Of course I will, kitten~”

”Thanks, Soka,” they look at him with wide eyes and a wide smile. Hisoka could say they were looking at him lovingly. “You’re the best.”

”I know I am,” he leads them to the door. “Now let’s go watch the fight.”

~

Standing near the entrance of the arena where Gon was fighting were Hisoka and Feste. Hisoka was watching intently while Feste was half-watching, half-playing with one of their knives.

”When is your fight?” Hisoka asks without taking his eyes off the headstrong boy and stupid spinny dude (Feste’s thoughts).

”I scheduled the date for whenever,” they shrug. “So I don’t really know.”

When Gon started using his natural instincts to predict the movements of the spinning tops, Feste noticed Hisoka clench his fists.

”You must be really excited to fight this kid, huh?”

”He has a lot of potential and power,” Hisoka smirks. “Fighting him will be rewarding.”

”You’re just a pedo,” they giggle to themselves.

”Jealous again?” He chuckles, but keeps his eyes on the fight. “Doesn’t take much to get under your skin~”

”I’m not jealous,” Feste huffs. “What about you? Bet you get jealous easy!”

He glances down at them, eyes dark. If Feste was anyone else, they’d be intimidated, maybe even scared. “It takes a lot to make me jealous~”

As Hisoka faces his attention back to the fight, Feste’s grin turns mischievous.

~

A week or so later, Feste gets the schedule for their first fight on this floor. The fight was scheduled for the next day. Hisoka, naturally, was excited to see how their first true fight in Heaven’s Arena would pan out. It was inevitable that he see their Nen after all. Feste, on the other hand, was less than happy. It’s not the element of surprise being ruined for the fight that will eventually happen between clown and magician. Rather, it’s just that Feste doesn’t like using their Nen. They won’t admit it to Hisoka, but being forced to learn Nen and develop a Nen ability at a young age (younger than Gon and Killua, at least) wasn’t a pleasant experience. Well, neither was being forced into a fighting ring, but being forced to learn Nen was a different type of hurt. Physically and mentally.

So, the next day, Feste entered the arena, with the loud commentator introducing them as “the circus killer”. Tasteless. The clown was in a particularly bad mood today, only evident by the way their smile was more of a sneer and the furrow of their eyebrows.

Their opponent was a lumberjack-esque man, wielding axes. Feste, ever the fool, forgot their knives and walked into the fight barehanded.

When the referee shouted “go”, the clown stayed still while the lumberjack fellow immediately ran towards them. It was evident in his eyes that he wasn’t looking to kill the clown, which irked them more than actually having to fight.

In the stands, Hisoka watched the clown with a curious intensity, noting the sour mood they seemed to be in. To be truthful, he expected the clown to be ecstatic to participate in a true fight. Instead, they seemed to be almost angry to have to fight with a Nen-wielding opponent. Being totally against a risky fight with a powerful opponent was against everything he knew about the clown.

The lumberjack tossed a Nen-powered axe at Feste, hitting them square in the face with the hilt and flying back to the lumberjack’s hand, earning him a point against the clown. On the floor, bleeding from their broken nose, Feste concluded that his Nen ability was using those stupid axes as boomerangs. They can work with this.

When they jumped back to their feet, an axe hit them in the stomach with the top part. There’s no way it can go back to him like a boomerang, the thought comes to their mind as they cough out blood.

The crowd is screaming, totally shocked at the clown. known for their brutal fights, ending up being the one to be brutalized. The commentator, replaying every event so far, is getting on the clown’s nerves.

The lumberjack says something that almost completely escapes Feste’s ear, something about his ability being called ‘Thor’s hammer’ or something like that.

”Yeah, yeah,” Feste makes a shooing motion. “I don’t really care.”

”Even as they are in pain, Feste the clown is still indifferent!” The commentator screams into her mic. “Will they come out of this alive!?”

Feste sighs, straining to keep a smile on their face (not unseen by Hisoka) as they straighten and wait for the lumberjack guy’s next attack.

He’s keeping his distance, Feste realizes. Must’ve seen their other fights. That, or all his power is in his stupid axes. Both axes, one double sided and one single sided, come at them at different times. The double sided acts as the boomerang and the single sided is ‘Thor’s hammer’, the clown concludes. The boomerang-axe comes first and slices through their right side, missing vital organs, goes behind the clown and swings back to its owner. While they reach for their wound, the other axe is thrown at them, slicing their arm in the process and when it is brought back, the clown grabs onto the handle.

Screams fill the arena as Feste flies toward the lumberjack with the axe. Even Hisoka is shocked when the man, seemingly planning this, draws a knife from his back pocket and slices the clown across the stomach. When he drives the knife in Feste’s back, they jump away.

The points are in favor of Mr. Lumberjack, Feste realizes as they reach behind them (painfully) and grab onto the knife. Their face is red and their tongue sticks out as they pant. They look down to see their stomach leaking crimson, but no intestines spewing from their wound. Disappointed, they turn to the lumberjack.

They dodge the axes that the lumberjack throws at them and retrieves, knife in hand. The knife, dripping with their blood, is raised to their mouth. The clown gives the blade kitten lick, cutting their tongue in the process. “Aim for between the eyes,” they whisper and throw the knife at the lumberjack.

When the lumberjack’s head is split open and he falls backward to ground, the crowd is silent. Hisoka’s smirk widens and his eyes narrow as he thinks that he figured out the clown’s Nen ability. He saw the small exchange between the clown and the blade, giving him the belief that their ability is knife or blade manipulation, allowing them to have control of what the blade does. It was pretty obvious, especially since they were helpless before, when they had no weapon of their own.

Feste leaves the arena as the audience cheers for them. Not waiting for their favorite magician, they head for the room that the two reside in.

In the room, the clown immediately heads to the bathroom and locks themselves in. Frustrated tears fall down their cheeks as they strip off their bodysuit. Standing in front of the mirror, they look at their malnourished body, only covered by their binder and underwear, littered with scars (some scabs, some already healed), and adorning their new wounds.

A wave of self hatred washes through their body as they sob out. Out of habit, they force their forearm between their teeth and bite down hard enough to break skin and cause deep bruising. They cry out, the sound muffled by their arm. Frantically, they look around the bathroom, looking for anything sharp. When their search comes out unsuccessful, they rush out of the bathroom only to see Hisoka on the bed.

Quickly, they wipe their tears and give him a small wave. Before he spoke a word to the clown, Feste darts to get their backpack and rush back to the safety of the bathroom.

They fish through their backpack, ignoring the poundings on the door, looking for their oldest knife. It’s a simple kitchen knife, cleaned religiously due to Feste’s disgust regarding infractions.

Hisoka sighs when he hears the clown sighing blissfully. He doesn’t quite know how to describe the feeling blooming in his stomach. Concern? Perhaps he’s getting too attached to Feste. Instead of obliging to his overwhelming urge to comfort his short assistant, he opts to leave for the rest of the day and leave Feste to their own devices.

After several shallow jabs to their thigh, Feste’s episode of self-hatred passed, leaving them to pant heavily against the bathroom door. A sob rips through their throat as they think of how awful their Nen is. Truthfully, it gives them the only pain they wish would go away: emotional hurt. They were never good with emotions, after being raised in a fighting ring and being sold left and right. Emotion was a concept they couldn’t really grasp and as such, they never learned to deal with negative emotions, usually brought on by memories of being forced to learn and develop Nen.

As they patch themselves up with the first aid kit that’s stationed in every bathroom in Heaven’s Arena, they remember Hisoka.

”Ah shit,” Feste curses as they open their phone and sends Hisoka a text. ‘Come back. I’m sorry ^ómò^” the text reads. No response.

An hour later, the clown is laying on their shared bed, still half naked due to the wounds. As Feste relaxes, they hear a knock on the door. They jump off the bed, racing towards the door.

”Wah,” they whine. “I missed you, Hiso- Who the fuck are you?”

A white long haired man in a yellow cloak stands in the door. He looks surprised at the short half naked person who opened the door instead of Hisoka. “Is this Hisoka’s room?”

”Yeah,” Feste says, irked. “Who are you? His new bitch?”

The man chuckles. “I’m Kastro. I’m just here to request a match with Hisoka,” he eyes Feste down. “And who might you be?”

”Oh, a fight? Come in! I’m Feste, Hisoka’s assistant!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly don’t know how to write a romantic Hiso or a panicked, self-hating Feste.


	7. authors note

sorry if it seems like im uploading 24/7. when i reread my chapters, i always catch a little mistake and i just can’t let it go, so im always editing lol


	8. At Least Give Me My Bungee Gum Back, You Negligent Clown!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cw// feelings and sex (not from Hiso 😔), character death  
> Feste realizes their feelings for Hisoka but they don’t forget their challenge to make Hisoka jealous.  
> Kastro sucks.

“So you wanna fight Hiso?” Inside, the clown situated themself on the edge of the king sized bed Feste and Hisoka share. “Is it because he’s the strongest fighter in the entire Celestial Tower?”

Kastro can practically see the hearts in their eyes as they speak of his future opponent. Standing in front of them, Kastro answers. “I’ve already fought your boyfriend and lost to him,” he recalls the fight in which he earned three points against the magician. “But I’d like to fight him again. And beat him this time.”

“Aha,” Feste chuckles nervously as they lean on their hands, placed on the bed behind them. “Hiso’s not my boyfriend. I really don’t know what we are. Maybe lovers? No, we haven’t had sex yet. He did call me his girlfriend once though.” They whisper that last part to themselves. “But that’s besides the point. You won’t be able to beat him; he’s the strongest.”

Leaning down, Kastro places his hands on their knees. What better way to get revenge on Hisoka than to fuck his girl and then beat him in a fight? This opportunity was too good for him to pass up. “Is there any way I can persuade you? Any way I can show you _I’m stronger_?”

Suddenly, the clown remembers their challenge: get Hisoka jealous. Feste leans in closer to Kastro, nose brushing against his. “No one can convince me they’re stronger than Hisoka,” their tongue darts out to lick his lips. “But you can impress me, if you’re up to the challenge~”

“Must be so lonely being that magician’s side chick, huh?” He mouths against their lips. “He won’t even fuck you. I’ll make you forget all about Hisoka.”

Feste flinches at Kastro’s words. He’s not wrong, Feste thinks as Kastro kneels down and spreads their legs. What does Hisoka think of me? Do I even matter to him? What if I don’t fight him? Will he be bored of me? IS he bored of me? Is that why he left? Where is he? Head swimming with questions, they don’t realize that Kastro peeled off their underwear until his hands are on their thighs and his tongue runs along their folds.

“Ah!” Their hips buck involuntarily towards his open mouth. He looks up at them, and they think of Hisoka. Kastro’s blue eyes don’t compare to the intensity of Hisoka’s narrow yellow eyes. For a brief second, Feste wonders if he would ever look at them with such awe. ~~What about with love in his eyes?~~ The clown decides to forget about their companion and opt to place their hands in the long white locks on Kastro’s head.

He takes this as encouragement and lightly flicks his tongue against their clit, eliciting a soft whine to escape Feste’s mouth. He smirks against their cunt and searches with his tongue for their entrance. When his tongue delves in, Feste’s grip on his hair tightens causing him to groan, the sound vibrating through their body.

“Hah,” the clown pants. “You’re pretty good at-aha!-thisss.” He hums as the thumb on his right hand is placed on their clit and his left hand finds purchase on their right breast, covered with their binder. “Shit, sorry,” they release his hair and hook their fingers on the underside of their binder, easily stripping it off. They throw it somewhere on the bed behind them and their fingers find themselves back in his hair.

His left hand gropes their breast and they let out a soft sigh. Kastro tweaks their nipple and they arch into his touch. He chuckles and pulls away from their cunt. “Little sensitive, are you?”

“Ah, it’s been a while,” they purr and Kastro smiles up at them before his mouth reattaches itself to their cunt. “You’re really good at this,” they sigh out.

Kastro smiles and his mouth trails kisses from their cunt to their thigh. His teeth grazes their skin and he watches their reaction. They look down at him with eyes filled with lust, urging him to bite their thigh.

“Fuuuck,” they breathe out. They yank Kastro’s hair, bringing him face to face with them and they kiss him roughly. His left hand is placed next to their leg and his right hand cups their cheek.

Wrapping their arms around his neck, Feste leans back on the bed, bringing Kastro with them. Laid back, Feste pulls away from the lip bruising kiss and looks at Kastro. He isn’t so bad looking, the clown thinks. Pretty hot, to be honest. ~~Not as hot as Hisoka.~~ No. The magician isn’t here right now. Kastro is going to fuck your brains out and you’re GOING to forget ~~how you feel~~ about Hisoka. Then Feste remembers that they’re naked and Kastro isn’t. “Ah, your clothes?”

He blinks at them and then he looks down at himself. “Shit.” He climbs off of Feste and smiles apologetically. They snicker as they watch him clamber out of his cloak. “Sorry about that, dear,” he resumes his position over the petite clown and kisses their neck where he notices Hisoka’s bite. “Ah,” he brushes his lips on the bruise. “This Hisoka’s doing?”

They whine as his tongue flattens itself on the bite. “Y-yeah,” Kastro nuzzles their neck and his mouth trails kisses down to their breasts. “Have no idea why he’s so obsessed with biting me there, haha.”

Kastro wonders how it isn’t obvious to Feste. He would tell the clown, but he realizes that if he tells them, they might not want to continue with him. If they realize Hisoka’s feelings of possession towards them, it would make it harder for Kastro to have his revenge on the magician.

Kastro growls as he grinds his cock against Feste, shuddering when said clown wraps their legs around his waist. One arm hooked around his neck, the clown reaches between Kastro and themselves and positions his cock to their entrance. Kastro hisses as he pushes himself inside them.

Feste whimpers as Kastro sheaths himself inside them. “Really has been a while,” they dryly chuckle.

“With how tight you are,” Kastro groans out, grinning at Feste. “You’d think you’re a virgin.”

“As if,” they moan as Kastro starts thrusting his hips. Their eyes close and immediately, Hisoka’s face is what they think of. Their eyes shoot open and they force themself to look at the man above them.

Kastro’s hips thrust faster and Feste is having trouble keeping up their smile as they ~~think of Hisoka~~ fuck back against the long haired man. Tears brim their eyes and they cry out in pleasure as Kastro stretches them deliciously.

Then Kastro hits something inside of Feste.

”FU- Hisoka!”

Kastro’s hips cease their thrusting and realization sets in as Feste’s hand flies to their mouth, face scarlet. Kastro smiles something wicked and positions himself so that he can hit that spot over and over.

The magician’s name spills from the clown’s mouth as if it were a prayer. In fact, their cries for Hisoka completely shadowed the sound of the door opening.

Hisoka watched Kastro (someone he vaguely remembered keeping alive so he can fight later) fucking into his assistant, who’s head was thrown back with tears streaming down the side of their face and mouth sobbing out his name. Before either could see the frown on his face and his angered eyes, he eased his features into a smirk to seem indifferent. Actually, he was steaming. It took a lot of his energy to keep his bloodlust from spilling out. How could his kitten think of fucking someone else?

”Ahem,” smooth, to mask his anger. Feste squeaked and covered their mouth, body shooting up to look at Hisoka. Kastro looked at the magician but did not stop his thrusting, smirking.

”H-hiso!” Feste chuckled nervously, eyelids drooping and face red. It was clear to Hisoka that the clown was close. “Wanna-haah-join?” Their voice was shaky and Hisoka was unsure if it was because of their impending orgasm or the embarrassment of being caught moaning his name while fucking someone else.

”Yes, Hisoka,” Kastro punctuated the syllables with thrusts into the magician’s kitten. “Would you care to join us?” His right hand fell between their legs, rubbing at Feste’s clit while his left hand was held the clown’s right leg up.

”I’ll pass,” Hisoka waved his hand at them, suppressing the urge to rip off Kastro’s dick and shove it down the man’s throat. “You came here for me, correct?”

”Ah, yes. I came here wondering if you would be interested in a rematch.”

Hisoka hummed. “What date do you have in mind?”

Feste watches the exchange between the two, noticing how Hisoka refuses to look at them, only focusing on Kastro. They focus on Hisoka’s face, imagining him inside them instead of the man above them. Their moans are muffled by their hand, but still audible to the two men, especially as they cum on Kastro’s cock.

”Fuck,” Kastro laughs out, hips stilling inside the clown. “Your girl is tight, Hisoka. It’s a shame you haven’t fucked her.”

“Kitte- Feste is a they, Kastro,” Hisoka’s eyebrow twitches. Their sweet moans and cunt are being wasted on this fool, he thinks. When he finally glanced at the clown, he saw wide eyes staring back at him. Tears fell freely from their eyes onto the bed below them, their hand trapped between their teeth. Feste’s mouth was struggling to keep up their permanent smile and they sobbed out as they ride out their orgasm. Wrecked is how Hisoka would describe them. Wrecked by someone who isn’t him. “It’s a shame you’re the one fucking them, but at least they’re enjoying themselves.” He shrugged, tearing his eyes away from Feste.

Kastro laughs. “Not like you’re lovers, huh?” He groans and grabs Feste’s chin and pulls toward him. He squeezes their cheeks, forcing their mouth open and pulls his cock out of their cunt. He finishes on the clown’s face, cum landing in the mouth and on their cheeks. The ultimate disrespect to Hisoka, Kastro thinks. “Feste said so.”

Hisoka barks out a disgusted laugh. “Get dressed and leave,” his tone betrays his facade of indifference. “Take a shower before bed,” to Feste, who is left dazed on the bed as Kastro removes himself from them and is now throwing on his cloak. “You’re lucky I don’t throw you out with him, kitten.”

They hop off the bed and head to the bathroom, silent and avoiding eye contact with either men. Kastro leaves with a “See you after the fight, Feste.”

After their shower, Feste leaves the bathroom to see Hisoka already in bed, facing away from them. The clown climbs into bed.

”Hisoka,” they say to his back.

”Yes?” He asks without turning toward them.

”You’re going to kill him?” Feste reaches for him but pulls their hand back.

”Of course,” they can see him shrug. “He fucked my kitten.”

Silence for a few moments. “I’m sorry, Hisoka.” The magician can hear the break in their voice. “Did I make ya jealous though?”

When he flipped to his other side to face the clown, their eyes were wet with tears that were threatening to spill. He smiles warmly and places a hand on their cheek. “Of course was you did, kitten,” he coos. “I thought we made it clear you belong to me.”

”But what if I’m not good enough to fight you,” they sob out, tears spilling from their eyes. “I’m not worth being your kitten. I’m just alley trash.”

Hisoka leans in and kisses Feste, swallowing their sobs. “Alley cats are my favorite,” he pulls away. “Feisty, strong, unpredictable. Even if we don’t fight (we will, though), I still want you around,” he wipes their tears away with his thumb. “You’re mine, kitten.”

”Hiso,” they sob. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have fucked Kastro. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” They sputter out their apologies, even as Hisoka wraps his arm around their torso and brings the clown closer to him.

”Even as you cry and apologize, your smile doesn’t leave your face,” he notes, kissing their forehead. “I’ll punish you after I kill Kastro, deal?”

”Will it hurt?” They look up at him, eyes wide and shiny but their tears have ceased falling.

Hisoka chuckles lightly. “Maybe,” he winks at them. “Now close your eyes, I need my beauty sleep.”

~

Time went by quick and soon enough, the day of Hisoka’s and Kastro’s fight had already arrived. Feste snagged front row tickets and is in clear has a clear view of the fight.

”HERE WE ARE,” the commentator belted out. “THE FIGHT BETWEEN HISOKA AND KASTRO.”

“I’m grateful, Hisoka,” Kastro starts. “If not for your initiation, chances are that I never would have gotten this strong.”

Hisoka chuckles and narrows his eyes at the man across him. ”Who did you say got strong?”

“Just so you’re aware,” Kastro’s eyebrow twitches and his smile falls from his face. “I’m the nine matches I’ve had since my loss to you, I’ve never once used my full power.” Kastro glares at the magician. “Every one of them was a warm-up to defeating you.”

The referee’s arm swings down. “Begin!”

“Here I come!” Kastro growls as he charges at Hisoka. Like a bull, Feste giggles at the thought. He swings at Hisoka and the magician successfully dodges it. Feste sees the smile on Kastro’s face as the blow lands, seemingly out of nowhere.

Hisoka quickly regains his balance. “That was a clean hit!” The commentator (Cocco or something) shouts out. “Kastro has landed the first strike of the match!”

“Hmm,” Hisoka is not impressed.

”Get serious,” Kastro glares. “Hisoka.”

”YO KICK HIS ASS, HISO!!!” Feste is standing from their seat and has their hands cupped over their mouth, even as the crowd is cheering for the long haired man. Kastro waves at them. “BOOOOOO.”

“Kastro lands the first strike! Hisoka has surrendered the first point after failing to evade Kastro’s light-speed chop!” Hisoka wipes his bleeding mouth as he smirks.

“I’m not the person I was two years ago,” Kastro flips his cape (like a girl hehehe, Feste thinks). “I won’t go so easily next time.”

Hisoka’s eyes narrow and his smirk grows as he stands (“WHOOOOOO GO HISO!!!”). “I think I’ll decide when I get serious, if you don’t mind~”

“Then so be it, but I strongly recommend that you decide quickly.” Suddenly, Kastro jumps into the air.

Feste can see the concentration in Hisoka’s eyes as he studies the blow Kastro throws at him. Even though he dodges the blow completely, Kastro managed to land it on him again. “KILL HIM,” Feste screeches demonically As the audience gasps.

“Are you just going to run or are you going to fight me?” Kastro demands as he chases Hisoka around the platform, the magician dodging his blows (quite hotly). He throws another illusion at Hisoka (pro dodger) as he pops up behind the magician and successfully kicks him.

”That’s a clean hit and a knockdown!” The referee declares. (“NOOOOOOOO” the audience around the clown wonders if Feste is in a screaming band). The crowd cheers.

“What a surprise, folks,” Cocco shouts. “I can hardly believe it! Kastro has been knocking his opponent around like a rag doll! The score is now four-zero! But what did I just see! Was that my imagination?”

”So you still won’t change your mind?” Kastro asks a laying Hisoka. “Is it really preferable to you to die in ignorance? Seems so. Guess I get to have little Feste all to myself,” he smirks.

”C-can you still fight?” The referee hesitatingly walks to the magician, who turns his head towards the referee and chuckles darkly. The referee gasps and jumps back.

Hisoka stands and dusts off his knee. “Am I seeing things?” He faces Kastro and smiles. “Because it looked to me like you vanished.”

”Thats right! That’s what it was!” Feste is unsure how Cocco could have heard that. “He vanished! That’s what I saw too!”

Hisoka raises a hand to his chin, eyes still trained on Kastro. “No. Vanished is close, but it’s not quite the right word. You were right in front of me, preparing to deal a kick, and then suddenly you were behind me.” The magician smirks. “I have to say that comes the closest to describing what happened.” He lowers his hand. “But something still feels wrong. Out of place. Yes. I can’t help but feel as if I’m missing something very basic here. (“JUST KILL HIM RAAAAAH”)” Hisoka turns and smirks at his kitten, blowing a kiss. The girls (and some men) in the audience swoon, but Feste’s smile just turns nasty, eyes hungry for blood. 

”This is futile,” Kastro states, seeing the small exchange between the two. “You can’t solve anything if you keep running away from me. In any case, I’m done waiting. I’ll take your arm with my next strike. And maybe your girl too.” Hisoka glares at him, but he’s aware that Kastro’s words are a ruse to get Hisoka treat their fight as something serious. “If you insist on remaining pompous, be my guest.” Kastro raises his hands, glowing green, and positions them. “ I’m beginning to think that you weren’t meant for anything more.”

As he exhales and the stupid ugly Kastro stans are cheering “that’s the tiger bite fist” and “kastro’s getting serious”, Feste boos. “YO BRO YOU SOUND CONSTIPATED LOL” (“did she say ‘lol’ out loud” someone in the audience questions to which the clown answers with “LOLOL”).

Hisoka raises his fist towards Kastro, who is running towards him. “Take it already,” Hisoka smiles tauntingly.

“Is this a trap or just foolish complacency?” Kastro yells out. “One way or the other,” he jumps in the air. “Your arm is mine!” Feste, Hisoka, and the rest of the audience watch as Kastro seemingly closes his stupid tiger claw fist on the arm raised. However, he fucking disappeared and reappeared behind Hisoka, tiger shit closing on his resting arm instead. “This arm, that is.”

Some members of the audience scream and gasp in shock, as Hisoka’s arm flies in the air, severed from his body. The audience near Feste back away from the clown. Those people, Hisoka, and Kastro can feel the malicious aura emanating from Feste in violent waves.

”Hisoka’s arm has been ripped clean off!” The audience cries out in terror.

”If you still think you can get your way,” Kastro says behind Hisoka, who’s expression is unreadable. “You are sorely mistaken.”

Hisoka turns to him, grin on his face. “This is all within expectations.”

”The hell it is!” Angrily, Kastro throws Hisoka across the platform of the arena.

Hisoka stops his sliding body and stands, catching his severed arm and waving it at Feste to lighten their mood. Almost immediately, the clown’s ominous aura stops and they giggle at the magician. “GO HISO”

”Wow. Have we ever seen Hisoka in such a perilous situation before, folks? He’s taken on some serious damage!”

Hisoka chuckles. “Yes, I see. Now I know exactly what your ability is.” He smirks at Kastro who nervously smiles back at him. “You can create a double, right?”

”Very impressive,” Kastro’s tone is mocking. “You finally got it.” He raises his hand and creates one of his doubles, shocking the audience and making Feste roll their eyes.

”What in the world is going on here? (“HES SHOWING OFF”) Am I seeing things, or has Kastro really split in two? Did he just clone himself? Kastro went from disappearing to multiplying!did he have a twin all along?!”

”I wonder if this is what they call a doppelgänger,” Hisoka scratches his shoulder with the severed hand, causing some of the audience to grimace and Feste to laugh.

”Indeed it is,” both Kastros answered Hisoka, smirking.

”I did as you advised and observed without trying to evade, and it turns out ‘vanished’ was the right word for what you’ve doing all along. But then, why couldn’t I shake the feeling that there was something missing before? You vanished, yes, but I still felt your present by my side,” his voice comes out smooth, calculating. “In fact, just before you vanished, I felt even more of you. Before you disappear, you duplicate yourself.”

Kastro x2 chuckles. “I’m impressed that you managed to figure that out. Using Nen, I was able to successfully create a double and while my double goes on the attack for me, I lurk safely in the shadows. As soon as you react,” his double goes back into him and there is only one Kastro talking. “I release my double and attack myself.” Kastro pauses. “You see, my double is no mere illusion. It’s real, just as real as I am until I make it vanish. You must know this. You felt it strike against you. To put it simply, you’re going to have to face two of me at once! (“BRO SHUT UP YOU TALK TOO MUCH”) I wonder how Feste would fare being double teamed by two of me.” Kastro begins his tiger claw fist attack. “Now behold the culmination of my mastery of Nen, the true tiger bite fist!”

Hisoka hums, annoyed that Kastro seems to take pleasure in bringing up his kitten.

”INCREDIBLE! WE HAVE AN UPSET IN THE MAKING! HISOKA WON TWO YEARS AGO BUT NOW HE’S IN BIG TROUBLE! IS KASTRO ABOUT TO AVENGE HIS ONLY PREVIOUS DEFEAT?”

”And now I will sever your left arm, if only to see you can maintain your appearance of disinterest.”

Hisoka chuckles. “Well, let’s find out~” he licks his lips (Feste has a heart attack in the stands). “Maybe I feel more up to it now.” His amber eyes pierce Kastro’s before they glance at Feste, who stares back with equal intensity. He starts spinning his severed arm on his index finger then, after seeing Feste giggle, turns his attention back to Kastro. And chuckles before holding his arm between his torso and attached arm, reaching behind him. He pulls out a cloth, covering his severed arm with it and causing the audience to whisper amongst themselves.

”Now what?” Cocco commentates. “Hisoka has covered his right arm with a scarf?”

His smile is pleased yet mocking and Feste knows that he’s going to perform a trick. The true nature of a magician. “Shall I demonstrate my powers of clairvoyance?” Kastro growls, frustrated with the Hisoka’s behavior. Hisoka then throws the cloth-covered arm in the air and playing cards replace the arm, shooting out of the cloth.

”Wow! His right arm disappeared and now cards are raining down! What is he doing?”

”The cards you see go from one to thirteen,” Hisoka starts after the last card falls. “I want you to pick a number and visualize that card in your head~”

The audience is confused. Someone behind Feste groans. “PICK THREE,” Feste shouts to Kastro.

Hisoka raises his index finger. “Ready? Once you’ve selected your number, I want you to add four to it,” four fingers up. “Then double the resulting sum,” two fingers. “After that, subtract six and divide by two. Lastly, subtract your original number. Now what do you get~? (“HE GETS DEAD BWAHAHA”)” The crowd is murmuring again, trying to calculate their answer. “I knew your answer before you even arrived at it yourself,” Hisoka says, pleased. Kastro gasps as Hisoka reaches into the open wound where his arm should be. He pulls out a bloody card as the audience lets out disgusted gasps. “The number you chose,” the magician flips the card over. “Was one.”

Everyone around Feste was in awe that Hisoka was right. “What? He’s insane!” Cocco. “This is the devil’s magic! And he’s incorporated his own injury into the trick!” Cocco pauses. “There are no points to tricks.” “WHY THE FUCK NOT!?” “It doesn’t have anything to do with the match. But still, he’s performing magic! That’s the bizarre behavior we expect from Hisoka!” “HE’S LITERALLY A MAGICIAN, THAT MAKES NO SENSE????”

“Would you like a souvenir~?” He throws a card at Kastro.

The left Kastro slaps the flying card and it falls, standing straight. “You fool! I will sever your left arm so that you’ll never be able to mock anyone again.

His toned, muscular, sexy arm (see: Feste’s brain) was raised toward Kastro again. “You must not have heard me. You can take it.”

”I’ll be more than happy to oblige!” The right Kastro launches toward Hisoka.

”WOAH! One of the Kastros is charging forward!” Kastro’s stupid tiger shit severs Hisoka’s other arm. Feste is stabbing their thigh with one of their backpack knives. “This is unbelievable! Hisoka has actually sacrificed his remaining arm! What in the world is this guy thinking?”

The scowl on Hisoka’s face melts into a grin as Kastro’s double disappears. “Wait, what?!”

”So you did attack with your double. How interesting.” The arm that was severed before has somehow reattached itself to Hisoka’s body. “If you had come at me yourself, I was fully prepared to counterattack,” he raises his right arm. “By using this~”

The crowd gasps as Cocco says, “What?! His severed right arm is back together again! But how?”

Hisoka chuckles. “It’s another magic trick~ Can you guess the secret behind this one?” Hisoka chuckles as he walks towards Kastro. “What’s wrong? Are you scared? You’re surprised because you don’t know the trick~ But that’s magic. See, your power to create a double is magnificent, but now I understand how it’s done.” He shrugs, his tone is taunting. “I can anticipate how you’ll attack with your double. Not to mention, I know how I should respond. It’s too bad, really. You had the potential to be a skilled opponent~ And that’s why I decided to let you live. I predict,” he chuckles lowly, eyes intensifying. “You’re going to dance yourself to death~”

Kastro growls in frustration and annoyance, and he throws himself at Hisoka again. “SHUT UP!” Hisoka stares at the Kastro on his left and Kastro jumps away from the magician.

”Doubles are made-” Hisoka dodging the attacks from the other Kastro. “-from the image the original has in mind, which is why they tend to be pristine. But you can’t reproduce the grime that build up during combat.” Kastro’s eyes are wide and his mouth is agape in shock, and he looks down at his clothing. “Oh. Had you not realized that yet?” His eyes are cruel, staring Kastro down as he dodges the double.

The original Kastro yells and throws himself at Hisoka. The severed left arm clocks Kastro in the face, coming out of nowhere.

”What is going on here?” Cocco stands from their stupid commentator chair. “I’m seeing it, but I can’t even begin to understand it! Is this another one of Hisoka’s magic tricks?” Feste is watching quietly in anticipation.

”Don’t bother,” Hisoka glances back towards a swaying Kastro. “I hit you square in the lower jaw, so you’ll be stunned for a minute or two, and that means you’ll be helpless to avoid my next attack~” Hisoka throws playing cards at full force at Kastro. “You can’t make another double,” Hisoka taunts, knowingly.

Two cards pierce Kastro’s left arm.

“Creating a new double using Nen requires intense focus.”

Two more cards piece his right arm.

“The only reason you were able to produce and release them freely was that, up until now-“

Two cards hit his left leg.

“-you were in a normal state of mind.”

His right leg.

“Using Nen to replicate and manipulate something-”

Three cards strike his torso.

”-that’s as complex as the human body-“

Two more.

“-is extremely difficult.”

Kastro falls to his knees.

”How difficult, you ask? By the time you learned to use a double, You’ve forgotten how to use Nen for anything else. Sad, really~ It’s a little something I like to call memory overload.” He turns his head to a falling, dying Kastro. “You only lost because you squandered you memory capacity. (“NO, CAUSE HE SUCKS.”) And because you suck~”

Kastro falls dead to the floor and the crowd erupts in cheers for Hisoka. Feste is standing, already heading for the exit and to their shared room.


	9. In Bungee Gum We Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw// fingering, multiple orgasms, blowjob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like jealous, possessive Hisoka  
> also, im really bad at writing him im so sorry  
> fun fact: the past three chapters (minus the authors note) were supposed to be just one, but i got way off course on each chapter  
> there are only two times i have actually planned for Feste to not smile, this is one of those times :)

In Hisoka’s room, Feste is sitting cross-legged on the bed, awaiting Hisoka. They squealed when he walked in, but wailed when they saw the woman behind him.

”Is this my punishment, Hiso??” They cried out as he sat at the table in the suite, Machi was eyeing them suspiciously. “You’re so cruel!”

”Machi, this is Feste,” he introduced the spider to his kitten. “Kitten, this is Machi. Spider #3 of the Phantom Troupe.”

”That’s classified information, Hisoka,” she snaps at the magician. “I guess circus freaks do stick together.”

”Waaaah,” they whine. “Soka, your lay tonight is so mean. This is the worst punishment ever!”

”Lay!?”

Hisoka lays his severed arms on the table and Machi picks them up. “Machi’s here to reattach my arms, darling~”

”Thank god,” they sigh out and then circle around Machi, who watches them cautiously. “She’s way prettier and stronger than me. Woulda died, Hiso.”

”Call your dog-“

”Kitten.” “Meow.”

”-Hisoka, their presence is threatening and I won’t hesitate to kill them.”

”Sit, Fest.” “Aye aye.”

Sitting on the table facing Hisoka, Feste watches as Machi raises the severed arms and faces Hisoka.

“I was never quite sure before, but today’s match proved it to me.”

Hisoka’s faces his attention toward Machi, much to the clown’s dismay. “Hmm?”

“You’re an idiot,” Machi scolds. Feste holds back a giggle.

Hisoka chuckles. “That’s quite possible.”

“Why did you decide to put yourself in danger this way?” She almost sounds worried, Feste thinks. “What was that? Performance art or something?” Ah, it’s just criticism.

“Well...” Hisoka’s eyes are closed. A sign of trust, causing Feste to relax.

Machi raises her arms, indifferent. “Okay. You’re paying me so I guess I can’t complain.” She draws a Nen thread attached to a needle (Illumi pops into Feste’s mind). “First I need to stop the bleeding,” she wraps threads around Hisoka’s biceps.

Feste leans forward, watching in awe. “Hey,” Hisoka’s stumps are pulled by Machi. “Be gentle, if you don’t mind~“

”Yeah, whatever. (“That sounds so sexual, Hiso” qwq) Turn off your aura.”

Hisoka obeys and chuckles as Machi memorizes the wounds with her Nen. Feste watches like an excited puppy.

”I’ll start with your left arm,” she states. “Here we go. Starting Nen stitches.”

Hisoka’s and Feste’s pleased expressions mirror each other’s as Machi’s hands work quickly.

”There. All done. Bones and blood vessels, nerves and muscles. They’re basically all connected now.” She reattached the limb together.

”You’re so freakin’ cool, Machi,” Feste gleams at the woman. “Can I be your assistant instead?”

Hisoka glares at the clown softly, then averts his attention to his attached arm. “Ah, that’s brilliant~”

”Next, I’ll do your right arm.” Machi tosses his arm and Hisoka catches it. “You can hold it yourself this time.”

”Machi, I love you.”

She ignores the clown and gets to work.

Hisoka hums. “This is always so fascinating to watch~ I do enjoy getting to see your Nen stitches in action, that maybe I injured myself on purpose~” He crosses his arms and Feste huffs, glaring at the magician.

“Fine. Whatever.” Feste could kiss Machi’s shoes to show her how much they appreciate her indifference. Machi holds out her hand. “Twenty mil for the left one, fifty for the right. Alright. Now, fork it over.”

”Machi, I’ll sell you my mind, body, and soul.” There are hearts in the clown’s eyes.

“I’ll transfer it directly to your account,” Hisoka smiles at Machi.

”Alright.” Machi makes to walk away. “And you can the rest of the injuries yourself.”

”Your bedside manner could be better~” he watches the clown, who’s attention is trained on Machi, alert.

“You should be able to manage with your bungee gum,” she turns to Hisoka. “And your texture surprise.”

Hisoka looks at his arm, scarred. “Ah, I guess I should conceal them. If I do,” Hisoka turns to Machi. “They’ll think my arms were healed magically during the match~” Magician and clown chuckle, amused. Machi turns away and Hisoka produces the cloth from the fight. “This is nothing more than an ordinary scarf,” he states proudly as Feste’s attention whips back to him. “I use bungee gum to attach it to my arm,” he starts explaining, hands working quickly. “Then texture surprise to create a layer of skin.” He brushes his hand against the fake skin and shows Machi and Feste.

Machi eyes Hisoka.

”Next, I’ll do the left.” He declares. Machi is quiet as Feste watches him, eyes wide in awe. “By the way, I call this trick Bungee Gum! Because that was the name of my favorite chewing gum when I was a child~“

”Yeah, you really didn’t need to tell me all that.”

“Bungee Gum is so cool,” Feste coos, touching the fake skin on his right arm, pinching and pulling. “You’re so cool,” they lean closer to Hisoka, who chuckles.

”I think you’re trying to get out of your punishment, kitten~” he turns back to Machi. “I call this one texture surprise, which comes from the gag stickers that were included with a popular snack not too long ago~”

”Like I said, I really didn’t need to know all that,” Machi’s hands are on her hips. “And get a room, you two.”

”This is our room,” Feste blinks at her, smile teasing.

Hisoka giggles and pats the clown’s head, rubbing under their cap. “Weren’t you impressed by my application of these abilities during the match? I was almost certain you were~”

”Huh?!”

”Well, you did see everything, didn’t you?”

”Yeah, I think I did,” she recalls the events that happened. “You started with a misdirection, tossing thirteen cards into the air. At the same time, you threw your arm, attaching it to the roof with bungee gum. And the scarf to the ground the same way. But you didn’t let go. The aura from each was connected to the stump of your right arm. And that’s not all. The cards you threw as a distraction were also secured to the ground with the ends of the thirteen strands of aura connected to your left hand. And then, when you threw the ace of spades at Kastro, the aura in your left hand was released. They connected. All thirteen of the aura strands you had been holding stuck to Kastro’s body.”

”Correct,” Hisoka’s hand is still rubbing Feste’s head, the clown purring under him and leaning towards his touch, eyes closed. “You’re much more observant than Kastro was.”

”And me,” one of Feste’s eyes open, looking at Hisoka then Machi.

“I also noticed that you employed one of the basic techniques of Nen, Zetsu, to help make your aura almost invisible.

”Yes, however, there was one weakness.”

”Yeah.” Machi scoffs. “Pretty much anybody who’s learned Ren, another basic Nen technique, could have detected it easily by focusing the aura in their eyes and watching.”

”Why didn’t I think of that?” Feste mumbles. Hisoka chuckles and brushes his knuckles against their cheek gently.

Machi ignores the duo’s apparent intimacy. “That’s why you used that crazy magic trick of yours to throw him off guard, while you just stood there smiling and pretending to be nonchalant. It even worked as a kind of camouflage. You had him convinced that your lack of aura was a sign of confidence. Once you were satisfied that everything was going according to plan, you surreptitiously extended a thread of aura from your left hand, the one holding the cards, and connected it directly to Kastro’s chin. Everything was ready. You’d already used texture surprise to alter the scarf on the floor to resemble human skin. And so, when Kastro attacked your left arm, you activated the Bungee Gum between your right arm and the scarf on the floor. Your arm was restored and the scarf concealed the wound, leaving everyone convinced your right arm was magically back. However, this performance had the unfortunate effect of bringing Kastro back to his senses.”

”It made no sense for a severed arm to simply reappear, especially in pristine condition.” Hisoka shrugs, satisfied smirk on his face. “It was then that Kastro realized I was actually using Nen to accomplish these feats and not magic as he was led to believe~“

”That’s true, but you didn’t miss the ever-so-subtle change in his psychological condition. You saw that Kastro was about to recover, but then you pushed him over the edge. And just like that, you were able to expose the weakness of his doubles.”

“But if he had just stayed calm and composed, then he actually would have had a fighting chance,” Hisoka looks at Feste. “If he hadn’t touched my pet, then I would have spared him.” Ashamed, Feste backs away and stares at the floor.

Machi senses the tension between them, opting not to ask what he meant as she has a clue. “However, Kastro couldn’t bare the mental strain and so, he lost. You do realize just how perfect both of those abilities are for someone like you, don’t you? Practically tailor-made.”

”As opposed to Kastro’s double ability, my techniques are so adaptable that they don’t lose their effectiveness if my opponent knows about them,” Hisoka boasts.

”Well,” Machi swings her bag over her shoulder. “I’m heading back now.”

”Already?” Hisoka and Feste say in unison. Feste’s smile turns sheepish when the magician and Machi look at them.

”Yeah, why stick around after the job is done? There’s only so much that Nen stitches can do, so try not to overdo it until your arm is firmly attached.” Machi walks to the door, but stops short of opening it. “Oh, right! I came here for a reason.”

”Hmm?” Hisoka turns to Machi and Feste studies her composure, still highly cautious. They really are a cat, Hisoka thinks.

“The message has been changed. All Troupe members are supposed to be in Yorknew City by noon, August 30th, not just those who don’t have anything better to do.”

Hisoka narrows his eyes. Feste shifts nervously. “You’re a spider, Hiso?” They chuckle dryly. “Yorknew City?”

He glances at the clown, who has a panicked glimmer in their eye. “Will the boss be coming?”

”Probably. This could turn out to be our biggest mission yet, so know if you blow it off, the boss might hunt you down himself.” Machi opens the door.

Hisoka smirks. “Now, that is scary. Oh, by the way,” His eyes turn their attention to Feste in an intense stare, and Machi is unsure if his gaze is murderous or lustful. Either way, his stare is hungry. “Would you like to spend the night here~?”

Machi understands that he’s speaking to her and leaves instead of answering him.

“What a pity,” Hisoka tsks. “Now, kitten. I am going to take a much needed shower. You wait here.”

The clown lowers their gaze as he stands, shame prickling up their spine. “Okay, Hiso.”

He pats their head. “Be a dear and go sit on the edge of the bed for me, in front of the television.” He walks to the bathroom, but just before he enters, he turns to Feste. “And make sure you’re undressed~”

Their eyes are wide and a deep blush sets on their cheeks. “Y-yessir!” They giggle out.

Hisoka smiles, eyes narrowed and teasing. “Good kitten~”

~

Feste sat at the edge of the bed, legs swinging as they watch a cartoon intently. Hisoka didn’t expect anything less than from his child-like kitten.

Upon hearing Hisoka clear his throat, the clown turns to face him. Hisoka is completely naked besides the towel around his waist, covering his groin. Their grin widens when they eye the half-naked magician up and down. “Thought this was a punishment,” they purr, eye-fucking him.

”Hand over the remote and stand up,” his left hand rests on his hip as he orders his petite companion. His right palm is upturned, waiting for the remote to be placed in it.

Feste does as they’re told, and Hisoka sits down where they were previously resting. They stand awkwardly in front of him as he looks for something they can’t see on the television.

When Hisoka finds what he’s looking for, he pats his leg and swirls his finger. “We are going to watch my fight with that fool Kastro,” he explains to Feste, who sits on his lap. “This will be your punishment.”

”But I already saw the fight, boss,” the clown turns to him, confused. They don’t notice how Hisoka’s hands rest on their thighs until he’s spreading them. Their breath hitches in their throat as his fingertips ghost their cunt. Just as they think he’s about to actually touch their sex, his hands opt to roam up towards their stomach then grope their chest. “Ah! Hiso,” they moan out.

”Ah ah,” he scolds them, left hand gripping their chin and facing them toward the television. “Watch the fight.” Hisoka’s grabs Feste’s wrists, raising them and wrapping their arms around his neck, using bungee gum as a makeshift (but effective) restraint. “So exposed and vulnerable,” he purrs against their ear. “I could kill you right now. I should~” Hisoka roughly spreads the clown’s legs, his bungee gum attaching to their ankles to the bedpost on the respective sides. “You have no idea how fucking angry I was when I saw you with him,” he growls, kissing down their neck, moving towards the bruise he made.

”That’s not fair, Hiso,” they whimper, hips already rolling against nothing. “You get to fu-hah!-“ he bites the purple-yellow bruise on their neck. “-fuck whoever you want.”

He hums, nuzzling their cheek. “Fair point, kitten,” he kisses their cheek, hands on their thighs. “But we agreed that _you_ belong to _me_ , not the other way around~”

Feste bites their tongue to suppress their moan as Hisoka dips a finger in their cunt. “Then I w-want you to be mine,” they declare, sighing shakily when he presses another finger in. “Please?”

”You’re so cute when you ask nicely~” he chuckles in their ear and gives the clown’s cunt shallow thrusts, earning his whimpers. “Are you asking me out~?”

”Haah!” He curls his fingers. “Y-yeah, I am. Will you be my-” their head turns, away from the television and away from Hisoka. They mumble, “-my b-boyfriend.”

He downright laughs when he grabs the clown’s face, feeling the heat on their cheeks, and turns them to face the television. “You’re so shy, kitten,” his thumb rubs their clit as his thrusts start speeding up. “Are you sure you’re the same Feste I met?”

Panic rises in their throat and Hisoka can see it in their eyes when they turn to look at him. “Y-Yes! I am, Hisoka. I’m the same Feste you met.”

Hisoka, dumbfounded, stops his ministrations. Despite this, he can still their chest rising and falling rapidly. They’re hyperventilating. The clown’s smile quivers.

“I promise I am, Hiso,” their voice cracks.

“Kitten,” he coos, kissing their cheek gently. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.” Despite his gentle and almost loving words, his fingers continue their attack in the clown’s cunt.

“Am I boring?” They moan out, tearing their eyes away from Hisoka and focusing on the television. “What if I bore you? If I bore you, you’ll leave me.” Their breaths become shallow when Hisoka nibbles on their earlobe. “I don’t want you to leave me. Ah! I don’t want to l-lose you.”

Hisoka presses his face into the nape of their neck and sigh out through his nose. He can feel the tightening of their cunt on his fingers and knows that Feste is close to orgasm. Doesn’t take much, he thinks and smiles to himself. “Kitten, why would you think I find you boring? You’re far from it~” he purrs into their neck, speeding up his fingers. His other hand tweaks one of their nipples. “Feste~ You’re too good to let go. I think I’ll keep you forever, kitten~”

The clown cries out as their muscles tighten and spasm on the magician’s fingers, his words pushing them over the edge. They frantically hump his hand, chasing their high.

”Good job, kitten,” the hand on Feste’s breast migrates to their chin. Hisoka’s fingers force themselves into the clown’s mouth, pressing down on their tongue and Feste sucks on them eagerly. “Ah, this is my favorite part~”

On the screen, Kastro has already lost his calm and Hisoka’s severed left hand has decked him in the jaw. Feste watches again as Hisoka is taunting a discombobulated, soon to be dead Kastro.

”Maybe if he hadn’t fucked my kitten,” he whispers directly in their ear, causing a shiver to run down their spine. His fingers leave their mouth and grip their chin. “He’d still be alive right now.”

They chuckle nervously and shift on Hisoka’s lap, fingers still in their cunt. “H-he’s dead because he was cocky. And dumb.”

”Exactly~” he chuckles. Suddenly, he inserts another finger in Feste’s dripping hole.

”A-ah! Again?” Their cry is high-pitched and surprised, but not uninteresting in another round.

”This is a punishment,” the fingers on their face shove into their mouth again, causing Feste to gag slightly. “I’m going to make you cum until it hurts~”

”But I like pain,” their words are altered around the fingers.

Hisoka laughs.

Two hours later and Feste is begging him to stop.

”H-Hiso, please!” They're panting, tears are running down their cheeks. Feste’s entire body is hot and their legs are twitching involuntarily. They’re actually amazed that Hisoka, although visibly hard, has not paid any attention to himself. “I c-can’t anymore. Ple-heee-ase.”

Hisoka’s feral himself at this point. Bites litter their neck and shoulder, some shallow and some oozing blood. It’s taking a lot of his power not to roll his hips into the clown. His cock is twitching and precum beads at the head. “Of course you can,” he growls, the four fingers in their cunt hitting their sweet spot. “Just one more time, kitten~ for me~?”

On command, Feste cums hard on Hisoka’s hand. Their smile strains and, for half a second, it drops. Before Hisoka can see, they twist their head away from him.

Hisoka knows. He groans in pleasure as he knows that he won. He, and only him, not Kastro, not anyone else, got the clown to lose all composure if even for less than a second. He releases them from his bungee gum.

They’re still sobbing as they fall to ground, smile back on their face and limbs sore. Before they can regain their composure, Hisoka whips them around and shoves his cock in their mouth. They gag around his length, looking up at him with tired but affectionate eyes.

Hisoka is panting, fucking into their mouth. In truth, he hasn’t been this desperate to cum since he was a teenager. “Ah, kitten~” he sighs out. His hips snap forward and he buries himself in their throat, cumming hard. “Feste~ You’re mine~”

Like a good clown, Feste drinks down Hisoka’s cum. When he releases them from his grip (almost as unbreakable as bungee gum), the clown gives kitten (haha) licks to the head of his cock. Their eyes are locked on his as they try to stand, legs still wobbly. “Hiso, need help.”

Hisoka chuckles and he picks up Feste, standing up himself. Clown in arms, he walks around to the side of the bed. He plops Feste down and slides in next to them. The magician places a hand on Feste’s cheek and the clown presses their face against it. “You took your punishment well,” he praises. “You’re such a good kitten, dear.”

They hum, eyes closing. “I love you” slips out before they even think about it. Their eyes shoot open and they jolt away. Love will deter him He doesn’t want commitment I’m such an idiot oh my god he’s going to leave why am I like this oh fuck.

Instead of leaving like the clown expects, Hisoka’s smile turns gentle. He brings Feste in closer and they press their face against his chest, willing their tears away. “Don’t be shy, love,” he coos, hand gently gripping their chin and raising it toward him. “Why don’t you say it again for your favorite magician~”

“Hiso,” they start nervously. “I think maybe that it’s possible that I might possibly love y-”

Before they finish, Hisoka presses his lips to theirs, kissing softly. He pulls away. “Commitment doesn’t scare me,” he says, as if he read their thoughts earlier. He caresses their hair. “In fact, I think it’s nice. Having you around is fun.” His smile widens yet his eyes are unreadable. “I’ll be yours, kitten. But only if you’ll be mine.”

Their breath hitches. “O-okay. I’m yours, Hiso.”

He smiles warmly. “Let’s sleep. We can worry about showering in the morning.”

Feste nods.

Two minutes later, the clown prods Hisoka. “Hm?”

”Can we also have Illumi?”

He laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is how i imagine Hisoka’s room/suite looks like: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/515451119830478755/  
> but the door is on the south side of the room, not where the bathroom is at :)  
> im not sure if hisoka actually loves feste back but i do know that he is very possessive of them and only wants them to himself (maybe he’d also like to include illumi in the relationship)


	10. Look Feste, Are You Going To Laugh With Me Or Not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of the Heaven’s Arena arc. feelings, i guess? im not good at writing this, honestly. i just came up with the concept and wanted to see where it went.

“I know you were acting dumb around Machi.” Hisoka and Feste were already up, having showered and were currently dressing.

Feste blinks at Hisoka. “Me? Acting dumb? Why would you say that?”

Hisoka shrugs and smirks at them. “Because I know you’re not dumb.”

Feste hums, slipping on their cap. “I’m dumb enough to agree to be your assistant.”

A soft glare and hard slap on the back. “Suppose you are then.”

The clown hisses, having been hit on their still healing wound. They turn to stick their tongue out at the magician, who snickers. “I guess you’ll never know if I was acting dumb or not then.”

They weren’t.

~

Gon’s second fight. Feste is actually excited for this one because they actually like the boy. Not in the way Hisoka does, but they do enjoy watching him. They enjoy that Gon is able to enjoy his childhood, a luxury they never had.

Hisoka can feel the clown’s excitement beside him. When he glance down at them, their lips are turned up in a genuine smile, eyes warm.

”You’re right, Hiso,” they turn to him, eyes shining. “This kid is strong.” They turn back to the match which is coming to a close, Gon already above the stupid spinning dude. “He’s really cool.”

Hisoka is unsure if this feeling in his chest was caused by watching Feste being filled with pure, innocent happiness or caused by watching Gon become stronger and win against an opponent who bested him before.

When he sees the clown cheering, he knows the answer.

~

Killua’s first (technically) fight. Hisoka dragged Feste to watch this fight. The clown wasn’t excited to watch Killua. They had no qualms with the boy; in fact, they respected and liked this kid more than Gon. However, they can see the trauma behind the boy’s eyes. Feste knows what being trained to fight and kill and win is like. It hurt them to see the boy fight.

Hisoka sees the furrow of their eyebrows and the way their smile strains. He places a hand on the clown’s back, massaging into the healing wound.

They look back at him, smile sad. When Killua announces his training against electricity, tears roll down their cheeks. “Killua’s pretty cool too.”

Hisoka realizes he doesn't like the sight of Feste sad. Now, he’s sure that he’s starting to get attached to the clown, but the magician doesn’t know if he has it in him to suppress these emotions. He could tease them for being sentimental. He could pester and pry about their past, even if he knows that it disinterested them as much as his own does him. He could be cruel to them.

Instead, he shoots Illumi a text.

 **Hisoka.** : watched Killua fight. he’s really good. and Feste says hi

 **Loomi Loomi** : Of course he is. He’s a Zoldyck.

 **Loomi Loomi** : Give Feste my regards.

Hisoka also realizes that Illumi might have been subject to the same treatment as Killua, if not worse. He sighs internally. Guess he has another cat to adopt.

Feste feels a nudge in their side as the duo walks to their room. Hisoka shows them his phone, on the screen was his previous messages.

He watches as their eyes widen and their small smile grows. Hisoka feels his chest lighten, knowing he brightened the clown’s mood.

”You didn’t tell me you had Illumi’s number.”

He rolls his eyes.

~

Gon’s third fight. Feste is bouncing in their seat, cheering for the boy.

Killua heard the familiar voice and is now eyeing the duo suspiciously. Feeling eyes on them, Feste immediately finds the suspect and blanches for a split second. Smile sheepish, they wave and Killua turns his attention back to Gon.

”I think Killua is more intimidating than Illumi,” they giggle.

Hisoka hums, eyes trained on Gon. The boy flipped over the slab causing his opponent, Mr. Wheelchair, forcing him to use his Propulsion Aura. Hisoka chuckles. “In an emergency state, he could only run and didn’t have enough time to change his direction. The only thing he could do was to move forward.” Feste glances at him, listening intently. “Plus, because of his suddenly propulsion, he lost his balance and had to stop the motion of his whips.”

Feste chuckles. “You should replace Cocco.”

He pushes them off their seat.

Right after the match ended, Hisoka dragged Feste to talk to Gon. Leaning against the wall, the duo wait for the boy.

When Hisoka sees Gon, he claps softly. “Congratulations,” he says to the surprised boy. “With this, added to your previous match, we can tell you’ve easily qualified. You decide the place, day, and hour. I’ll be your opponent.”

Hisoka walks away, but Feste decides to stay, facing the determined Gon. Gon looks questioningly at the clown who is an inch or two shorter than he is. “That match was awesome,” they gush. “Do me a favor and sock Hiso in the face for me. Real good.” They place a hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly. “I know you’ll do good.” They turn and catch up to their companion.

Gon saw the sadness behind their eyes.

~

Hisoka bought a black leather body suit. He was walking in the city (sans Feste because they wanted to oversleep today) and he saw it in a shop window. He had always been a compulsive spender and the magician had the urge to buy it. So he bought it.

When Hisoka came home (he didn’t know why he thought of it as home, he doesn’t think of anywhere as home), he headed straight for the bathroom, wanting to surprise Feste (who looked like they were still sleeping). He quickly changed and walked out of the bathroom...

Only for Feste to run around him with toilet paper in hand, effectively TP’ing the magician. “What the fuck are ya wearing lmao?” They bark out as they laugh on the floor.

”Who the fuck says ‘lmao’ out loud?” He grins at them. He takes the toilet paper off his head, but leaves his clothing alone. The magician shrugs. “I thought it looked nice.”

”Yeah, nicely hot. No wait that’s weird,” they hum, trying to think of something quippy. “Just take off your clothes.”

He’s about to crouch on the floor with them when the phone rings.

”Bah,” Feste whines.

He chuckles and answers the phone, back to the clown on the floor. When he answers the phone, he is immediately met with a loud “Hello? It’s Gon!” He winces and pulls the phone away from his ear.

Feste, hearing this, leaps to their feet and shouts “Hi, Gon!”

”I was awaiting your call,” he smirks although he knows Gon can’t see it. “You’ve decides when we’ll fight?”

Feste didn’t hear what Gon said and they assume he figured out that he doesn’t need to scream. They snicker at the boy’s childlike naivety.

“Okay,” Hisoka says after a few seconds. He turns to Feste after setting the phone down. The clown can see the bloodlust (and arousal? ewww) on Hisoka’s face. “I’m impatient~”

~

July 10th. Hisoka and Gon’s fight. Out of all the fights that they’ve seen in the Celestial Tower, Feste was most excited to watch this one. They weren’t at all nervous to watch this fight, knowing that Hisoka wouldn’t kill the boy.

In the audience, the clown spots Killua and hesitatingly walks over to take a seat next to him. They smile at him shyly. “Saw your fight. Was really cool.”

Killua narrows his eyes at them but offers no response.

Above them, Cocco is screaming from the sound system. “GON VERSUS HISOKA! THIS LONG AWAITED MATCH WILL FINALLY BEGIN! GON APPEARS FIRST, TODAY HE IS EMPTY HANDED!” Gon’s walks into the empty arena, eyes filled with determination. The audience is cheering in excitement for the boy. “HE HAS ONE DEFEAT AND THREE VICTORIES OF HIS OWN. HES IN GOOD HEALTH! THE DOOR OF THE OTHER SIDE IS BEGINNING TO OPEN!!” Hisoka appears from the door and the audience roars, demanding for Hisoka to kill the boy. The magician cracks his knuckles, then his arms as Cocco talks. “NINE VICTORIES, THREE DEFEATS. IF HE WINS, HE’LL BE ABLE TO BECOME A FLOOR MASTER. IF HE LOSES, HE’ll HAVE TO START OVER FROM THE BEGINNING! ITS THE MATCH OF THE EXTREME!! BUT HE NEVER LOST IN THE RING! WILL HIS LEGEND OF INVINCIBILITY CARRY ON?!”

Feste’s nose wrinkles as they see the magician’s arousal. “Fuckin pedo,” they mumble under their breath. “Schwing.”

Next to the clown, Killua snickers. “Your boyfriend’s weird and he creeps me out.”

”I wouldn’t let him near an elementary school,” Feste rolls their eyes and laughs.

Both of them turn their attention back to the arena. The match has already begun and Hisoka is dodging a flurry of Gon’s punches. His hand strikes out toward the boy and Gon dodges, but then the magician kicks him and sends him flying.

”THAT WAS SEXY, HISO, DO IT AGAIN,” Feste calls out. Then Killua watches them take a deep breath and cup their hands over their mouth. “KILL HIM, GON.” Killua wonders if they’ve ever been the lead singer of a screamo band.

Gon lands on his feet and dashes at the magician again, fist aiming for his face. They dodge each other until Hisoka strikes Gon in the side with his left hand.

The audience, including Killua, is shocked at the magician’s brutality. Feste huffs. “KICK HIM IN THE BALLS, GON.”

”You’re rooting against your boyfriend?” Killua turns to the clown, confused. “I would’ve thought that you were worse than Hisoka.”

Feste’s eyes dart to Killua and widen. “As if! I actually like Gon and I think it’d be fucking great if he won. Plus, I’m not a pedo.” Their eyes flick back to the fight.

Killua watches as Hisoka punches Gon, earning a point. He hears Feste huff. _’Hisoka’s having fun,’_ Killua thinks. _’There’s a world of difference in their combat experience! But Hisoka’s weakness is his superiority. He won’t back away, therein lays Gon’s chance!’_ Yet, Killua still felt uneasy for his friend.

Sensing Killua’s worry, the clown faces him again. Killua rips his eyes from the match. “I wouldn’t worry about Gon,” they grin. “He’s a strong kid and he sure isn’t dumb.” They point back the fight. Gon has ripped one of the stone slabs from the floor. “Plus, Hiso would spare him. Something about ‘not being ripe’, whatever that means.”

Gon breaks the slab, reducing it to pieces (big pieces, but still pieces), and hides behind one. He surprises Hisoka by punching the magician.

Feste breaks out in their demonic cheers. Hisoka glances towards them in a glare, causing them to giggle sheepishly and wave. “WOW, DID YOU SEE THAT, FOLKS?” Cocco begins. “GON GOT. A CRITICAL HIT ON HISOKA!! THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! NOW GON HAS A 2-1 LEAD!”

“That didn’t really look like a critical hit to me,” Killua comments, mainly to himself.

Feste shrugs. “Maybe the judge is noticing how much of a dirty pervert that damn clown is.”

”Isn’t he a ‘magician’,” Killua scoff-laughs.

”Don’t tell him I said that,” Feste winks playfully at him.

Hisoka walks toward Gon slowly, confusing the audience and Cocco. The boy hands him his number badge from the Hunter Exam.

Feste has to cover their mouth to keep their laugh quiet from Hisoka.

Hisoka and Gon jump back from each other, leaving a confused arena.

Hisoka chuckles. “How much have you learned about Nen?”

”All the basics,” Gon answers simply.

“I see,” Hisoka hums. “You’re an Enhancer, aren’t you?”

”Eh!? How’d you know?” Feste and Killua sweatdrop.

The magician laughs. “You’re too cute (F: “YO WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!” K: “TAKE THAT BACK, PERVERT”). You shouldn’t _admit_ it.”

“Oh, leave me alone (F: “YEAH LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE” K: “FUCKIN PEDO”)!” The two fighters glance at the stalls, eyeing their catty companions. “How could you tell?”

”It’s my personality analysis based on aura type,” Hisoka boasts. “Though it’s no ‘science’ (F: “do magicians even believe in science???”), it’s not unlike profiles based on blood types.” Hisoka points at Gon. “Enhancers are simple and determined.”

”He’s... not wrong,” Killua says nervously.

“I’m a transmuter, by the way,” the magician smirks at Gon. “Whimsical and a liar.”

Killua gapes. “That’s true.”

Hisoka continues. “Opposites attract~ I bet we’d get along (F: “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE” K: “NO YOU WOULDN’T”). We could be great friends, but be careful, as transmuters are fickle,” Hisoka pauses, eyeing Gon down. “What used to be valuable can turn to chaff.” A nervous shiver crawls down Feste’s spine. “So, don’t disappoint me, Gon.” 

Feste looks at Killua. “You’re a transmuter?”

”Yeah, what are you?” Killua stares at the clown with narrowed eyes. _’Damn, I said my Nen type!’_

The clown scratches the neck nervously. “Ah, I don’t know. Never did the whole water divination shit. Was just forced to make a Nen ability lmao.”

Killua sensed their discomfort at the topic and decided to focus on their usage of words. ”Did you just say ‘lmao’?”

”Uh, no. Watch the fight.”

At this point, Hisoka kicks a stone slab into the audience, aiming for Gon. He then lands a critical hit on the boy.

Feste blows a raspberry.

”What’s wrong~?” Hisoka teases. “Come at me~”

”No, I’m thinking!” Gon stares at Hisoka with a determined fire in his eyes, mind trying to formulate a plan.

“Okay, then I’ll force you to come over~” Hisoka raises his fist, finger pointing up.

“Gon! Use Gyo!!” Killua screams over the loud audience.

”Oh shit, what?” They struggle in using and remembering to use Gyo because it was one of the last techniques they learned (despite it being a basic). The clown sees the Bungee Gum stick to Gon’s cheek from Hisoka’s pointed finger.

“Can you tell what’s about to happen?” Hisoka asks Gon.

Suddenly, the magician yanks his left hand towards him and draw his right fist back, preparing to strike Gon. His hit lands, and the boy is knocked to the floor.

”This is called Bungee Gum,” the man smirks. “I can stick it on and peel it off at will. You can’t escape now~”

“A SATISFYING STRAIGHT RIGHT FOR HISOKA! GON GOES DOWN!!”

“C’mon Gon~” Hisoka purrs, standing over the boy. “Get up!”

“A CRITICAL HIT AND A DOWN,” the judge declares. “THREE POINTS FOR HISOKA!! YHE SCORE IS 6-2!”

“Do you really think the judge just wants Gon to be away from that pervert?”

”I would.”

“Can you do it?” The judge asks Gon.

”Of course,” Gon huffs.

“I have a quiz for you,” Hisoka muses. “You can deal a free punch if you get it right~ When did I stick the bungee gum on your cheek? One, with the elbow strike. Two, with the clean hit. Or three, with the critical hit?”

Gon pauses. “Three! You hit me with both hands!”

“No, the answer was four (F and K: >:0), when I threw it on you as I analyzed your personality!”

Gon’s hand closed in a tight fist.

“One word of caution,” Hisoka purred. “You would’ve seen my aura coming if you had used Gyo in case number four. But what about the other times?”

A look of shock spreads across Gon’s face.

“I can use this-” he addresses his bungee gum. “-with any physical contact.” The magician points at Gon. “I ‘hide’ the bungee gum when my opponents are being remiss. But if I’m punching them, it won’t matter if they can see my aura or not~”

”Look at me, I have an overpowered ability,” Feste giggles, deepening their voice.

Killua puts his finger to his chin in consideration. “This is could be difficult for Gon. I didn’t know his ability was this dangerous. Are you sure he’ll be alright?”

Feste hums. “Gon’s a strong kid. He’ll lose for sure, yeah. But he won’t die.” They smile.

On the arena, Gon is running full speed at Hisoka, surprising the man. Gon, Feste, and Killua see the pleasure on Hisoka’s face and they all grimace (it looks pretty funny on Feste). Gon serves a flurry of punches to Hisoka’s face.

Both Feste and Killua stand to cheer, look at each other, embarrassingly blush, and sit back down.

Hisoka punches Gon twice, causing the duo in the stands to boo.

“YO REF, GET THE KID OUT!” Feste yells. “I DONT TRUST THAT DUDE!”

Killua snickers, but winces when he sees Gon’s face as he hears Hisoka is up to 9 points.

Hisoka chuckles. “Watch yourself, Gon~” He points to Gon’s right side. “Look to the right~”

Gon’s head flips to the side, only for a broken piece of slab to hit his face from the left and send him flying.

“Oops sorry~ That was _my_ right~”

”What a dick!” Feste huffs. They turn to Killua. “I apologize for my dick of a boyfriend.”

”I’m suing if Gon gets brain damage,” Killua laughs then covers his mouth, face red.

Something in Feste’s eyes soften and they place a hand on Killua’s shoulder. “Be a kid, Killua,” their voice is soft. “Don’t end up like me or Illumi. Be a kid, save yourself before you’re beyond saving like me and your brother. I believe in you.” They smile gently and rise to leave. “Tell Gon I’m his biggest fan!” They wave and scurry off.

Killua gapes at their leaving figure. _’Do they really mean it?’._ “I-idiot! I’m his biggest fan!”

~

In their shared room, Feste lays on their bed, face down, arms and legs spread out. “Hiso,” they call out, head rising. “You’re a pedo.”

Hisoka exits the bathroom, a towel around his waist and a towel on his head. He chuckles. “I heard you booing me during the fight~” he hops onto the bed next to them.

“Yeah, cause you’re gross,” they giggle and roll over. “Are you going to fight a floor master?”

Hisoka hums and puts a hand on the clown’s head. “Should I~?”

Feste purrs and leans in to Hisoka’s touch, eyes closed. “Will we get a bigger bed?”

”Most likely~”

”Is it a permanent room?”

”If I maintain my floor master status, yes.”

One eye opens and focuses on the magician with intensity. “Can we call it home?”

Hisoka is taken aback. When he met Feste, he wasn’t expecting this level of commitment and attachment. Not even when they confessed that he was their inspiration.

Silence that lasted a second too long caused Feste to close their eye again and turn away. “Always wanted a home. And it’ll be nice to know we have a place to stay after Yorknew.”

He notices the distaste in their tone when ‘Yorknew’ leaves their mouth. “Do you become attached to every man you meet or is it just me~” he teases, hoping to lighten the mood.

The opposite happens. Feste’s eyes open and their brows furrow, expression mad. “It’s not that fucking deep,” they yank themselves away from Hisoka’s touch and burrow themselves into the comforter, facing away from him. “It’s fine if you don’t want to fucking call this shithole a home. It was a fucking suggestion.”

He reaches for them, hand landing on their shoulder. “You’re lying, kitten.”

They let out a deep sigh, calming themselves down. Feste turns to Hisoka. “Not used to any of this. This whole feelings shit. It’s like all I feel is emotion now and it’s fucking weird. I don’t even fucking know what I’m feeling most of the time. But I do know that I don’t want to fucking imagine being without you.”

Hisoka considers this. He puts his hand back on the clown’s head. “You’re not crying this time,” he brushes his knuckles against their cheek. “I’m proud, kitten.” He leans in and places a kiss on their forehead. “If you want, we’ll call it home. But you need to start cheering up! What good is an assistant if they’re sad all the time~” He pinches their cheek and coos.

”Pfft,” they blush. “Deal.”

”There’s a good kitten~”

They reach their arms out to him. “Cuddle my sadness away, Hiso?”

He chuckles lowly and pulls them closer. “How about I fuck your sadness away~?”

”No, you’re going to be thinking about your fight, pervert.”

He grins and hugs the clown tighter. “I’m your pervert.”

Feste wheezes. “Damn clown, at least break a rib, this is just uncomfortable.”

Despite this, they are grinning happily at Hisoka, and Hisoka at them.

Maybe this whole “love” thing isn’t that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is the beginning of the Yorknew City arc! yay!   
> i feel like i have to keep repeating that Feste is always smiling, so im sorry for the repetition.  
> if you have any questions or criticisms or anything, feel free to comment! :)


	11. The Homecoming Queen’s Got Bungee Gum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the start of the Yorknew City/Phantom Troupe arc! whoop whoop

While Gon and Killua are on Whale Island and Kurapika was getting hired by the Nostrade family, Hisoka earns his title as a floor master in the Heaven’s Arena.

In their bigger, better, more permanent room, Hisoka and Feste are getting ready to leave the Celestial Tower and head to Yorknew City, to meet the Troupe.

”Hisooo, I don’t like Yorknew Cityyy,” Feste whines, throwing their knives into their cat backpack. “I hate it there!”

”We have to go, kitten,” he soothes the whining clown. “I have a present for you~ to make up for having to go to that wasteland?”

“Hey, don’t talk about my hometown like that,” Feste huffs, then turns to Hisoka with curious eyes and wide smile. “What’s the present?”

He hums and walks to the closet. Feste hasn’t used the closet in any of the rooms that they’ve been in because they only have two things to wear. “I made it with love~” he calls from the closet. He comes out holding a hanger, and on that hanger, is Feste’s new outfit.

Feste can tell that Hisoka made it thinking of them, which makes them blush profusely. The base of the outfit is a hot pink, no sleeve, footed unitard, with two black Pom Poms. To be worn on top of the unitard is a short sleeved crop top with a cat head (not unlike their backpack) adorning the center of the shirt, the base color is a light blue. The cap he made for them is almost identical to the two dunced cap they had before, but Hisoka designed it to they resembled cat ears, also light blue. On the hook of the hanger is a hot pink collar with a tag on it. Upon closer inspection of the collar, the print reads “if found, return to Hisoka” on the back and “Kitten” on the front.

“I also think you should wear some flats at least, I can barely imagine what your poor feet have gone through~” Feste looked down at their small feet, covered only by their full body suit and looked back up at Hisoka, smiling sheepishly. “Well, what do you think? I admit it isn’t really a clown’s costume, but I propose we slap on some makeup on you~ Like me~!”

Feste was at a loss for words. They only stared at Hisoka with wide eyes and a big grin.

“Do you not like it?” He turns the outfit so it’s facing him. “Is it the colors? I didn’t want to see my kitten dressed up in such bland colors. Maybe it’s the cat? Ah! There’s not enough Pom Po-“

Hisoka is cut off when Feste tightly wraps their arms around the magician. “Thank you, Hisoka,” they mumble into his clothed abdomen. “No one’s ever made anything for me. Or given anything to me. Thank you.”

Hisoka’s shock dies off quickly and he smirks, lifting the clown’s head to meet his gaze. “Anything for my kitten~” he purrs and leans down to give them a kiss. “Now go put on your new outfit and come back out so I can do your makeup!”

They giggle and snatch the outfit out of his hands and dash to the bathroom. When they come out, Hisoka is sitting at their new coffee table with cosmetics scattered across the surface. They sit next to the magician. “This is so much more comfortable than the other one,” they sigh out.

Hisoka grabs a brush and turns the clown’s head so that they face him. “I use breathable and flexible fabrics,” he explains, concentrating on the task at hand. “I find it makes it easier for what we do, hm?”

They almost nod, but remember what Hisoka is doing. Instead, they hum.

After ten minutes (they found it very difficult to stay still, so Hisoka had to redo some parts), the magician backs away and smiles, handing them a mirror.

The makeup is a simple clown look, a triangle above and below each eye and two circles at the edge of their lips, all in red. However, Hisoka managed to make the makeup have some unexplainable pizazz. The true work of a magician.

Feste looks up at Hisoka. “I-” they begin, but can’t finish. They clear their throat. “I love it, Hiso,” the clown finally croaks out.

Hisoka hums, pleased with himself and pleased that his work is appreciated, especially by his kitten. “Now you can be as stylish as I am~! Maybe one day, I’ll teach you how to rock heels like I can,” he winks at them.

“As if!” They scoff, smile widening. “I like being barefoot, makes it easier to sneak around.”

“I know~” he purrs and then points at their feet. “Look at the soles~”

“You’re crazy serious about this cat connection,” they comment as they stare at the cat foot pattern on the bottom of their foot. “It’s an obsession.”

Hisoka shrugs and catches sight of the time on the clock above their front door. “We have to leave before we miss out flight to Yorknew~”

“Ew.”

~

On the airship, Feste sucks away at a cherry lollipop happily, staring out the window while Hisoka glared at them.

The clown almost made them late by insisting to go to a market for snacks. They ended up walking around for thirty minutes until they found a large bag of cherry lollipops, half the clown’s height. Then they had to find a bigger backpack to fit their lollipops in. When Feste couldn’t find one, they dragged Hisoka back to their room to drop off half of their lollipops. They made it two minutes and thirty-eight seconds before departure.

Despite this, Hisoka couldn’t stop himself from admiring his idiot clown companion. He knew that Feste didn’t like Yorknew City and he almost regrets bringing them into an environment Hisoka knew would send Feste into a panic. The magician even asked if they wanted to stay in the Celestial Tower instead of going to Yorknew with him. Feste insisted on going with him, despite their obvious discomfort. _I’ll be fine as long as I’m with you, Hiso,_ they had told him. Repeating the words in his head made his heart clench in a feeling he wasn’t familiar with. Yet, despite the unfamiliarity (and the fear of what it might mean), it doesn’t stop the genuine smile that spreads across his face.

Sensing Hisoka’s eyes on them, Feste turns to him, lips stained red. Their smile is small, but sweet. “Do you want a lollipop, Hiso?”

What is this damn clown doing to him? “Yes, kitten~”

~

All eyes were on the clown. Weapons were aimed at them too, excluding Machi, Chrollo, and Uvogin (who seems to be deep in thought while staring at them).

“Who this, Hisoka?” A short (but taller than Feste), black haired man asked, wielding a sword (//i think? i don’t know what it is, im so sorry).

“This is a spiders only meeting, Hisoka. You know the rules.” A woman with blonde hair points a gun at Feste.

“She’s seen our faces, should we get rid of her, boss?” A baby faced man with short blonde hair has a phone in hand.

Before Hisoka or Chrollo could answer, Uvogin piped up. “Feste?” He walked forward, eyes squinting and then popping open. He barks out a laugh and turns to Chrollo. “Hey, boss! It’s Feste!”

“Hey Uvo, Chrollo,” they wave awkwardly. Hisoka whips his head towards them in shock. The clown looks up at him and smiles sheepishly. “They watched a few of my fights. They gave my owners the idea of teaching me Nen aha,” their eyes give away their panic for a split second. Hisoka places his hand on their head and they turn back to the rest of the Troupe, who have ceased their weapons and decide to listen on the conversation about the stranger.

Uvogin laughs. “She’s one of the best underground fighters in Yorknew, even before Nen! Woulda given anything to fight her,” his eyes are feral.

They huff, reverting back to their ‘clown’ personality and cross their arms, sticking their tongue out at Uvogin. “I’m not a she anymore, Uvo.”

”Ya were the last time we saw each other,” he playfully growls out, tone flirtatious.

Hisoka gives out a strained laugh and his hand grips hard on their shoulder, taking one step in front of Feste. “What was this about teaching Feste Nen?” He changes the subject, deciding to interrogate the clown later.

Chrollo finally steps forward, eyes previously fixated on Feste now turn to Hisoka. “I wanted to recruit her-excuse me, them-to join the Spiders. They had no grasp on Nen yet, so we suggested to their handlers-” at this, Feste winces. “-that if when we come back and they have learned Nen, we would buy them.”

“But when me and Chrollo went back, they said that Feste has ran off. Killed a buncha guys too,” Uvogin laughs, pointing at the clown. “Who woulda thought they ran off with Hisoka.”

“It would explain their ensemble. I don’t remember Feste wearing clown clothes, despite their name,” Chrollo comments, eyes concentrated on Hisoka’s. “Now that you’re here-” 

Hisoka hums, glancing at his short companion and then cast his eyes over Uvogin and Chrollo, smirking. “My kitten (“meow”) has no desire to join the Troupe. They are already my assistant,” he chuckles darkly, eyes turning deadly. “Besides, they belong to m-”

“Yeah we get it, they’re your property,” Machi rolls her bored eyes, arms crossed. Hisoka glares playfully at her. “Don’t we have a meeting, boss?”

“Hi, Machi!” Feste waves enthusiastically.

“Hey, Fest.”

“You know ‘em too, Machi?” Uvogin whips his head towards the pink haired woman.

“Met them while I was repairing Hisoka’s arms. They’re alright. Very... cat-like.”

Feste snickers. “Wanna lollipop, Machi?” They hand one to her.

“I have to decline,” she waves her hand. Feste shrugs and shoves the lollipop in their mouth. “The meeting?”

Chrollo nods and stands atop a higher floor in the abandoned building they are currently in. “We are going to make of with _all_ the loot from the underground auction,” Chrollo announces.

Feste’s eyes widen and they peer up at Hisoka, almost excited. “That’s pretty freakin cool,” they mouth.

“Are you kidding?” Uvogin stares up at his boss. “Gangsters from all over the world run that auction! We’ll make enemies out of all of them!”

Chrollo looks at Uvo with large, almost manic eyes. “Are you scared, Uvogin?”

“No way, I’m ecstatic!” Uvo foams at the mouth, shaking with anticipation. “Give is the order RIGHT NOW.”

If Feste is a cat, Uvogin is a feral dog.

“I give you permission-” the Spiders are hanging on every one of their bosses words. How cultish, Feste thinks. “-to kill them all.”

Uvogin roars triumphantly.

Even Feste seems excited, which Hisoka notices. “Hey, Hiso,” they stare up at him, smile goofy. “Can I join you guys?”

“Of course, kitten,” his eyes are glowing, amused. “You are my assistant, after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god i suck at writing chrollo even more than i do hisoka. im sorry guys, im just really bad at characterization. hope i did well as Uvogin though :)


	12. The Clown From Yorknew City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> continuation of the night of August 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// cunnilingus, dirty abandoned building, possible underage references, abuse (not sexual)

“Where are you going?”

“Feste and I need to have a private ‘conversation’, Machi. Unless the rest of you would like to watch~“

Hisoka was dragging Feste away to a separate room before being stopped by the cautious Spider.

“I sure would like to watch,” Uvogin practically growls out.

“That’s disgusting,” Nobunaga scoffs and stalks off to a corner where Shizuku, Shalnark, Kortopi, And Franklin are playing cards.

“You gross, Uvo,” Feitan sneers.

“C’mon, Hisoka,” Uvo-dog pleads. “Let me have another bite.”

Hisoka smirks. “What do you say, kitten~? Let the big bad dog eat you~?”

“Aha, no, I’m shy ahaha,” Feste covers their face and giggles. “Unless~”

“Oh god, they’re one in the same,” Machi groans out.

“Don’t use the lord’s name in vain,” Feste and Chrollo say at the same time, but the clown’s voice significantly deepens to show that they’re imitating Chrollo. When he whips his head to glare at them, Feste cackles. Hisoka snorts.

“Did you know, Hisoka,” Chrollo addresses the magician. “That in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night or What You Will, one of the recurring characters is a fool by the name of Feste.”

Feste the clown turns their head away when Hisoka glances at them.

“Seems like the name I chose for our dear Feste six years ago was fitting,” Chrollo hums and smiles.

Hisoka is silent when he continues to drag Feste somewhere private.

In a room on the fourth floor of the building, Hisoka slams Feste against a wall, causing the clown to cry out and buck their hips into the air.

“What’re you being so rough for,” the clown lifts their chin to look Hisoka dead in the eye. “You mad at me?”

Hisoka wraps his hand around their neck and slams their head against the wall behind them. He leans down. “You didn’t tell me you knew Chrollo, kitten,” he whispers against their ear, tone unreadable. “And you definitely didn’t tell me about almost being bought by him.”

“Was a long time ago, Hiso,” they rasp out, eyes rolling back and hips trying to seek friction. “Thought they wouldn’t even remember me. And I knew you weren’t gonna let me come if I told you.”

He hums. “Tell me about it. All of it. Especially concerning that _dog_ ,” he says with disgust in his voice.

Their eyes focus back on Hisoka’s face and the corner of their smile quivers. “I gotta?”

Hisoka’s hand loosens from their neck. His lips ghost over their cheek. “Yes,” he answers simply.

They sigh out shakily. “I didn’t know it’s been six years. I’m bad at time; product of being a captive of underground fighting rings,” they dryly laugh. “Chrollo and Uvo arrived one day and watched me fight. Said they were here to steal some shit, I dunno.” They lock eyes with Hisoka, who’s eyes are glowing with interest and something else. Feste looks away. “They watched me a few more times after that. Think they even bet on me at some point. Then one day, my owner-” their nose scrunches at the word. “-says that these guys want to talk to me. They asked if I knew Nen and I was like ‘nah what the fuck is that’ aha. Said if I would learn Nen, they’d let me join their stupid gang of thieves. ‘Would I ever? Would give anything to leave this place’.

“Didn’t know that they already told my owner that they would buy me off of them,” the clown glares at a corner in the room, eyes watering. “It was so painful, Hiso. They made me,” they sputter out, tears already running down their cheeks. Hisoka notices how they scratch their arms violently, drawing blood. “They made me practice every day, every hour, until I perfected it.”

Hisoka places his hand behind Feste’s head. “Shh,” he coos. He stands up straight and presses their head against his body, to which they respond by wrapping their arms around his torso. “Calm down, kitten.”

They sob into his shirt for a few minutes. Finally, they pull away, eyes still wet and red, but the tears ceased falling. “It was painful. Nen isn’t something you should learn and perfect in the span of a week or two, especially if you don’t want to. Figured if this is what I had to do to be a spider, I’d rather not. I left after a year of Nen fighting. Killed a lotta people, including my owner. Became a street performer, a clown. Now I’m here,” they look up at Hisoka fondly. “Here with you.”

Hisoka grabs Feste by the hips and hoists them up. The clown wraps their legs around his waist and their arms around his neck. He presses them against the wall. “And what about your... relationship with Chrollo and Uvogin?”

They giggle nervously and look away, face flushing. “Well, Chrollo was reading that Shakespeare play at the time and when he learned I didn’t have a name. They identified us by numbers, ya see. Anyway, he gave me that name for some reason,” something akin to nostalgia flashes behind their eyes. “It’s the only name I ever had, so I kept it. Been Feste ever since. Guess that’s something I can thank him for.”

“And Uvogin?” Hisoka mouths against Feste’s neck.

Silence beckons Hisoka to lift his head to look at the clown. Feste is staring at the corner with half-lidded eyes, cheeks scarlet. “Uvo,” they whisper breathily. “We were intimate for a while. I don’t know how old I was; you don’t exactly learn how to keep track of the years aha. Think I was a teenager, damn pervert,” they bring their hand to the mouth and Feste smiles dopily behind the back of their hand. They don’t notice how Hisoka glares at them or how his eyes darken. “Of course, him suggesting Nen was the ultimate betrayal, so I never want to have that relationship again.”

They finally turn to look at him, noticing his intense stare. Feste places their hand on Hisoka’s cheek. His eyebrows arch and his smirk grows before he claims their mouth roughly. “What did you do with him?” He pulls away, leaving the clown dazed.

“What did I... do with him?” They look at Hisoka in confusion, gaze met with cold eyes. “Just stuff. Y’know.”

Hisoka’s eyes dart around the room until he sees a table. The magician walks over to the table and places Feste on the surface, their arms still on his shoulders. He unhooks the clown’s arms and places their hands on either side of their body. Hisoka’s hand reaches for their collar, inspecting the tag carefully. “Yes, kitten, I know,” his eyes shoot up to theirs. “I want to know what things.”

Feste’s smile turns nervous and they tear their eyes away, eyebrows furrowing and blush deepening. “T-thats so embarrassing, Hiso,” they stammer. “Why’re you as- Ah!”

The clown is cut short when Hisoka yanks their collar up, causing them to look at him. “You’re so naughty today, kitten~ First, you don’t tell me about Uvogin and Chrollo. Then, you allow Uvogin to sniff around you like some mangy stray dog,” his tone is turning dangerous. “And now, you’re not answering my questions~ I’ll ask you one more time before I lose my patience with you, _Feste_.”

“O-okay, Hisoka,” the clown’s eye’s stray from his again, too embarrassed to look at the magician. “He would sneak me out of my cage—they’d make us sleep and eat in cages, we were only let out when it’s restroom time or fight time—and Uvo would take me someplace private. To f-fuck me.”

Hisoka hums. “Did you enjoy it?” Silence. “Kitten,” his tone is strict, demanding.

“Would beg him to,” Feste mumbles. “Was the only pleasure besides pain. He came around a buncha times after that, without Chrollo.”

“What would he do with you?” When the clown looks at Hisoka with pleading eyes, they were met with a nasty smirk and a cruel gaze. “Give me all the dirty details, kitten~”

“Hiso-” Feste started, only for Hisoka to grab their neck with his right hand and slam the clown onto the table. He leans down, left hand planted on the table for balance and groin between Feste’s legs. The clown can feel his arousal. “W-we would fuck three times in a r-row,” they strain out. “He would use his t-tongue on me.”

Unbeknownst to Feste, Hisoka had sewn an almost invisible zipper on the crotch of the clown’s suit. Hisoka hums and his left hand leaves the table to locate the zipper. “How fitting a dog would lap up this pretty little cunt,” he finds the zipper and rolls it down, exposing Feste’s sex. They gasp when Hisoka’s hand makes contact with their lips. “Ah~ So wet, kitten~”

“Can’t help it when you’re being so rough, Hiso,” they sigh when he enters a finger after prodding around their entrance. The clown’s eyes flutter shut.

“Is that so?” He buries his face in the crook of their neck and breathes in. “Do you want to be with Uvogin right now?”

At this, Feste’s eyes snap open. “W-What, Hiso?”

“I said-” Hisoka sighs out and mouths his way to their lips. “-do you want to be with Uvogin right now?”

Shadows obscure Feste’s sight of Hisoka’s face. The only thing they can make out is his piercing yellow eyes, illuminated by rays of the moon, peering in through the cracks of a boarded window in the room. They briefly wondered how he was able to see anything in here. Feste’s hand reaches towards Hisoka’s face and they cup his cheek. “Hisoka,” the clown’s tone is soft and steady, despite the second finger entering their cunt. “I don’t want to be with Uvo. I want to be with you. He caused me so much pain, him and Chrollo, even if it was indirect. _You_ made my life worth living, even if I had never met you or you had never met me. Fight or no fight, I want you.”

Hisoka’s breath catches in his throat, but he keeps that fact away from Feste. His right hand leaves their throat to caress their cheek. “Kitten,” he rasps out before he dives in to claim the clown’s lips.

The kiss is sloppy and heated, surprising Feste. His tongue invades their mouth and he swallows the clown’s moans. Feste kisses back with equal fervor, grabbing Hisoka’s cheeks with both hands and bringing him closer. His fingers continue their ministrations and the clown’s back arches, crying out into Hisoka’s mouth.

When he pulls back, a string of saliva connects their mouths. The magician smiles when he sees the dazed Feste beneath him. “It hardly bothers me that Chrollo named you,” his right hand leaves their cheek and is planted on the table, near Feste’s hip. “But I’m certainly not happy that Uvogin and Kastro got a taste of you before I did,” he stands straight and at this angle, Feste can see the wide smirk on Hisoka’s face. Suddenly, he drops to his knees between the clown’s legs and his fingers leave their cunt.

Feste gasps loudly when Hisoka’s mouth latches onto their clit. Their hands tangle themselves into the magician’s red hair. He eats them like a starved man, the clown responding with loud moans and harsh hair tugs.

Hisoka’s tongue pokes around the entrance, but doesn’t enter. Feste looks down at the magician pleadingly and moans at the sight of him staring back at them from between their legs. His mouth leaves their cunt and he kisses along the inside of their thigh, causing them to start whining. “Kitten,” he purrs. “Why don’t you beg for me? Nice and loud for everyone to hear, hm? Including Uvogin~”

Feste lets out a breathy laugh. “Machi’ll be pissed we’re not being quiet.”

Hisoka hums and nibbles on their thigh. “How do you think Uvogin will react?” His hands spread their lips apart and his eyes focus on their moist sex.

Silence from the clown causes Hisoka to avert his eyes back to Feste. Suddenly in a deep voice, “Awww I wish I was up there grrr ruff ruff bark.” They laugh loudly and look back at Hisoka, who’s eyes told them he was amused. “I’ll beg for ya, Hiso, but I’ll tell Machi it was your idea.”

He smiles at them. “I can live with that.” A millisecond later, his tongue delves into their twitching hole easily.

“Ah!” They cry out. “Soka~!” The following noises they make are incoherent moans and praises for the magician. He pulls his tongue out and replaces it with two fingers, curling and scissoring. Their moans get louder as his mouth attaches to their clit again. “F-fuck, Hisoka~!”

Hisoka groans into their cunt and he feels how Feste clenches around his fingers. “I should take you right here and now,” he growls against them. “Would you be opposed to that? Our first time in this dirty abandoned building?”

Feste’s eyes are unfocused on the ceiling then they shut, their mouth agape in a half smile, lips struggling to keep up. The clown’s fingers twist into Hisoka’s hair as they cum on the magician’s mouth, moans strangled. The only word spilling from their lips is his name, soon becoming a chant as he rides out their orgasm.

When they come down, Feste sees Hisoka standing above them. “Ya wanna fuck here?” They pant out, one eye closed and grin set back on their face. “It isn’t really desired for a first time, but I’m not opposed to it~”

“Did Uvogin ever see that smile drop from your face?” Hisoka asks instead of answering their question. He sees how the clown’s eyes both open in surprise.

“Anyone who’s ever seen me not smile is now dead,” Feste admits. “Smiling’s my act, my whole personality! Can’t let anybody see me NOT smile.”

He thinks for a moment. That time, he didn’t see them not smile, but he knew it happened. “I want to see it,” he purrs out finally. “For dear ol Hisoka~?”

“No way,” Feste giggles and sits up, laying a hand on Hisoka’s chest. “It’s hard to not smile now! So we fucking or what?”

“Are you kidding? We’ll catch an STD here.”

“Yeah, we wi- HEY, your genitals aren’t the ones exposed!”

He laughs and zips up their unitard sex hole. “Now yours aren’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i had trouble writing some of it


	13. Cool Clowns Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 1, we meet Kurapika

“Feitan.”

“No.”

“Franklin.”

“Hmmmmm. No.”

“Nobunaga.”

“Paaasssss.”

“Shalnark.”

“He has a baby face, no.”

“So do you. Kortopi.”

“They LOOK like a baby, hell no.”

“Shizuku.”

“Yes.”

“Machi.”

“I’m drooling at the mouth, yes.”

“Pakunoda?”

“If she would look my way, she’d take your place, Hiso.”

“Chrollo.”

“What? He named me! That’s like fucking your—what’s it called?”

“Dad?”

“Dad! Pass. No offense, Chrollo.”

The leader of the Phantom Troupe only offers a dismissive wave.

“Bonolenov.”

“Nah.”

“Uvogin.” Narrowed eyes.

A nervous giggle. “You haven’t seen his dick, Hiso. If you saw it, you’d say yes to- AH!”

The magician tickles Feste’s abdomen, causing them to double over and cover their mouth. “We’re missing someone,” he notices and looks around the room. “Ah! Phinks.”

“N-”

“Can you two shut up already!” Phinks, from his corner, yells.

Silence from the duo for two seconds. Then they giggle to each other. Feste is sitting between Hisoka’s legs and Hisoka has his head rested on their shoulder. The rest of the Phantom Troupe, excluding the gang who left to the auction, are scattered around the first floor of the building. “So was that a no?”

“How come we gotta listen to ‘em, boss? Feste shouldn’t even be here!”

“Aight, I’ll leave,” Feste shrugs and starts to stand.

“That’s alright, Feste. As your dad, I’m ordering you to sit back down. Phinks, you calm down.”

Feste bites back a laugh, but Hisoka lets his laugh free. Phinks looks like he’s about to pop a vein, but he sulks back to his corner.

Another short period of silence. “So how big is it?”

Feste motions with their hands. “Like this big?” They make another motion. “And this wide.”

“That _is_ big,” Hisoka smiles. “How did that fit in you?”

“Magic,” Feste giggles. “And a lotta lu-”

Chrollo’s phone rings. Everyone’s attention turns towards him as he answers. “Empty?”

“Yikes, must suck to be spid-ow!” Hisoka slaps Feste’s head.

“Oh?” A voice on the other end. “No, there isn’t. Besides, I don’t consider Judas to be a traitor.” All eyes fall on Feste as Chrollo continues. “They say Judas sold Jesus for 30 silver coins. How much would this traitor sell us out for? Think about it. What would the traitor gain by selling us out to the mafia? Money? Fame? Status? Would that really gratify any one of us? I don’t even think Feste is that stupid or money hungry.” He seemed to also be talking to the Spiders in the room.

“And one more thing. Let’s say there was an informant. The mafia’s response sounds pitifully inadequate. We’re _Class-A bounties_. If they had really known we were coming, shouldn’t the security have been on higher alert? From what you tell me, the mafia had only decided to be a little more cautious than usual. The guests weren’t warned, they came unarmed. So, here’s my theory. They got a tip, but it wasn’t very specific. Even so, someone in the mafia top brass trusted the source enough to do something about it.” Silence from Chrollo for a moment. “Did you ask where the items went?” An answer. “But he told you who would know?” A longer period of silence as the voice on the other line talks. “I see. The fact that they weren’t even there lends more credence to the theory that they know we were coming.” Short pause. “So how did they transport the items?” Pause. “So he has a Nen ability similar to Shizuku’s. The mafia should have realized by now that since 500 guests vanished, they must be dealing with Nen.” Pause. Feste’s attention has been on their kitten beans on the bottom of their feet for quite some time now. “Sure. Make a big enough disturbance to draw out the Shadow Beasts.” A brief pause and then Chrollo sighs. “No, Uvogin, no one is talking about you here. And definitely no one is talking about your ‘massive cock’.

Feste and Hisoka burst out laughing once Chrollo ends the call.

~

The remaining Phantom Troupe members, their leader, and Feste sit around in silence. The clown is preoccupied with a mobile game and a lollipop, with the magician watching from behind. Then suddenly, Hisoka stands.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he turns to Chrollo. “I made a promise to meet someone today.”

“Go ahead,” Chrollo answers without looking up from his book. “Be back by 6 P.M. tomorrow.”

Hisoka motions for Feste to get up, which they do. On their way out, Chrollo speaks.

“Up to no good again, Hisoka?”

He pauses and then turns to face Chrollo, a smirk on his lips. “Of course~”

Feste follows Hisoka, still focused on their mobile game. After five minutes of walking, they stuff their game back in their backpack and pull out another lollipop. “So who’re we meeting, Hiso?”

“Remember the blonde boy from the Hunter’s Exam?” He turns to them, smiling.

They stuff the lollipop in their mouth and toss the wrapper somewhere behind them. “Hardly.”

“Well, the Phantom Troupe murdered his family for their eyes,” he emphasizes this by pretending his hands are binoculars. “He wants revenge, and I’ve decided we’re helping him~!”

Feste hums. “I’m pretty sure the blonde boy will ask you why you’re helping him, so I’ll just wait for your answer until then.”

Hisoka pats their head and then pulls out his phone to text someone.

The duo arrive at a broken down carnival, eerie in nature.

“This is so cool,” the clown beams at a plastic clown. “Think any of these rides work?”

“Sadly, this carnival has been abandoned for years,” Hisoka looks at a decrepit merry-go-round and sits on the platform. “I’m surprised you didn’t know this, Yorknew native.”

Feste shrugs. “Only ever been downtown and underground. Let’s play a game!”

Hisoka smirk and pulls out a deck of cards.

Twenty minutes and countless losses later, Feste perks up, alert. Hisoka doesn’t turn back, but he hears the footsteps. “You’re early~”

The blonde boy comes into view, but he is immediately taken aback to see a third party. He stands on guard. “Who’s this, Hisoka?” He glares daggers at the magician, who has yet to turn. “A spider? Is this an ambush?” He looks around, using Gyo, finding nothing.

Hisoka finally turns to look at him, his eyes amused. “Don’t worry. I don’t intend to fight you now~”

“That doesn’t answer my question, who is th-“

Suddenly the clown is right in front of the boy, immediately unsettling him with their dark eyes and wide smile. “So he’s a Kurta, Hisoka? Can I see your eyes please please please~?”

“They’re not a spider, don’t worry,” Hisoka waves dismissively at the confused (almost scared) young man. “Kurapika, this is Feste. Say hi, kitten~”

“Meow,” the clown sticks their tongue out. “Want a lollipop, Ku-ra-pika?”

Unsettled, Kurapika backs away. “No, thank you,” he turns to face Hisoka. “Let’s get to the point. Tell me about the Troupe.”

“They’re boring,” Feste huffs out and bounds away from Kurapika to sit next to Hisoka.

“Okay then~” Hisoka purrs out and leans towards the blonde boy. “There are thirteen spiders in all—a numbered tattoo of a spider is proof,” Hisoka relays common information known about the Spiders while Feste takes out their mobile game again (warily eyed by Kurapika). “Members can be replaced. An applicant can defeat a current member to join. Other vacancies are filled by the leader. They mainly steal and kill, though they still do some philanthropic work once in a while.”

“That much I know already.”

Hisoka smiles at Kurapika and rests his chin on his interlaced hands. “I replaced number four a couple of years ago. I did it to get a chance to fight their leader alone, but it’s been difficult. He’s very watchful~” at this, Feste raises their head and stares at Hisoka. “He’s always with at least two others at all times. Once a job is done, he leaves without a trace. So don’t you think our goals are hard to achieve by themselves~?”

“What are you saying?”

“I could tell you their abilities, though I only know seven of them~”

Feste stares intently at Hisoka, eyes unreadable.

“Why don’t we work together~?”

Silence fills the abandoned amusement park save for the game that Feste turned their attention back to.

“It’s your choice~” Hisoka shrugs. “Team with me, or go it alone.”

Kurapika’s phone rings. He reaches for it but then looks at Hisoka.

“Go on,” he waves at the boy.

“It’s me,” he answers.

The voice on the other end is frantic but audible to both Hisoka and Feste. “Kurapika, number eleven got away!”

Feste’s head snaps up, shock readable on their features. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Hisoka.

“What!? On his own?”

“No, the Troupe came disguised as the mafia. They must’ve intercepted Dalzollene’s call! Dalzollene is most likely dead. We’re moving to Plan B. Please come back.”

“You guys had Uvogin?” Feste asks as Kurapika pockets his phone. Their head is down, expression covered by shadows.

“Is that number eleven?”

They look up and their eyes are wide in amusement, finger between their teeth to keep from laughing. “He got caught? Who did it? You?”

Kurapika shifts uncomfortably where he stands. “Yeah.”

The clown bursts out laughing. “I like Kurapika, Hiso. You should add him to your fight list.”

“If he’s strong enough to capture Uvogin, then maybe~” they both turn to Kurapika.

Kurapika sighs out and suddenly his expression is dark. “Hisoka, I have one question. Do you know where the scarlet eyes are?”

Hisoka hums. “Unfortunately, that was before I joined,” he shrugs. “The leader sells everything after first reveling in the spoils. I’m assume the scarlet eyes were no exception. That’s all I know~ But I _can_ say that the Spiders will keep going as long as their head is alive.”

“Teaming up sounds fun, Kurapika,” Feste beams at the blonde.

“It’s not like we’re getting married~” the duo giggle to each other. “Just some... give-and-take. If the terms aren’t right, nobody’s hand will be forced. No worries, right? So what do you say~”

“I’ll give you an answer same time tomorrow,” Kurapika turns to walk away.

The duo sit in silence, with Feste playing their game and Hisoka watching. “You’re really in the Troupe to fight Chrollo?”

“Yes,” Hisoka purrs. “Are you going to tell on me~?”

Feste hums and grins widely. “I want to see you win, Soka. Plus, I’ll never forgive him for the Nen shit,” they huff.

Hisoka pats their head and kisses their cheek. “Where’d you get that game?”

“Stole it from a kid on the airship here. It looked fun.”

“My master thief~ maybe you should have joined the Spiders~”

“Yuck.” Game Over flashes on the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda had fun writing this chapter, even if it’s short.


	14. author’s note part two

hey guys, ill be out of town this weekend so i won’t be able to upload a new chapter until sometime next week. my chapter uploads are inconsistent lol so i hope you guys can forgive me :)


	15. When Cool Clowns Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of September 3

The entire Phantom Troupe (the present ones, that is) can feel the boredom radiating off the clown laying between Hisoka’s legs. Feste chomps on a lollipop stick (just the stick) and shallowly stabs their arm with a switchblade. Chrollo had ordered Hisoka to stay here since Machi was sure he was going to bail on them.

After Feste (and some of the Troupe) watched the crimson trickles down their arm, they bandage the minor wounds and take off their hat, letting their white locks free. “Hiso, can I leave?” Feste pout-smiles at him and the Spiders are taken aback. “I’m so bored, I wanna go pleaaaase~”

Like a father to his only daughter out of six children, Hisoka relents. The Spiders (including Chrollo) each roll their eyes at his softness. Some even note this in case of... future events in which he betrays them. “Do you need some money, kitten?”

The clown giggles. “Just enough for some snacks, if that’s okay with you~“ Feste smiles sweetly at Hisoka, who hands them a hefty amount of jennies. “Hehe, I’ll text you, Hisoka~”

Before Hisoka can say anything, Phinks shoots up. “Hey, shouldn’t the clown stay here too? I dunno about the rest of you, but I don’t trust this clown!”

The rest of the Spiders mumble amongst themselves and seem to agree with Phinks. Feste’s smile is strained and their eyebrows twitch in annoyance. The clown’s fist is clenched tightly, fingernails digging into their palm. Then, Hisoka grabs hold of their hand and when Feste turns to him, he smiles reassuringly. He then turns to Chrollo. “They aren’t a member of the Spiders, boss~ you can’t just order Fest around like that~”

Feste sticks their tongue out at Phinks, who growls in return.

“If you’re so concerned, Phinks, why don’t you follow Feste around? That way, we can all be reassured that they aren’t doing anything shady and Feste can go do whatever they were going to do,” Chrollo offers.

“Yeah, Phinks,” Hisoka snickers. “Follow Feste around, you might see something you like~”

Both magician and clown chuckle. Phinks does not chuckle, he frowns (even more). “Whatever,” Phinks scoffs and turns away. “The clown’s too stupid to even come up with a plan without their master pulling the strings.”

Feste smiles nastily, but they bite their tongue. Instead, they throw a knife at Phinks, purposely missing to hit the wall near his head. Hisoka, Chrollo, Phinks, and the rest of the Spiders (rip Uvo) all gape at Feste. Machi, Feitan, and Nobunaga almost laugh. Phinks whips around to see the jennies out of Feste’s hands and swapped with knives. Nobody makes any moves to stop them.

“I missed,” Feste shrugs at him, although they all know that the clown didn’t.

Phinks’s face is red—with anger or embarrassment, nobody knows. “I’ll fucking kill you, clown!”

Another knife is thrown at him, this one hitting his shoulder. “Kill me?” Suddenly the aura around them is dark and intimidating, even to the most fearless Spider. Their eyes are a black fire as they walk to a stunned Phinks. “You have to ask my master first,” suddenly, the aura and their bloodlust disappears and they’re smiling sweetly at Phinks.

Nobunaga is the first to laugh. Next is Hisoka, Machi, Feitan, and Shalnark. The rest crack a smile, even Chrollo. “I can’t believe you were bested by a _petite clown_!!” Nobunaga barks out.

“Pathetic,” Feitan wheezes.

“Go Fest,” Machi chuckles.

Phinks is embarrassed, even his ears are red. “Whatever! If we fought, I totally would’ve won!”

“Probably,” Feste shrugs again and skips back to Hisoka. They sit back down between his legs. “If you don’t mind, I’d like my knives back please.”

Phinks scowls and grabs both, then throws them at the clown. Feste catches them with their hands. No, they didn’t grab the knives by their handles. No, not by their blades. The clown caught their knives with their palms, like they were a darting board. Phinks winces.

“Hiso, give my booboos kissies pwease~” they coo.

Hisoka chuckles. “With pleasure, kitten~”

Thirty minutes later, they’re bored again. “I’m leaving for real this time.”

“Okay,” the Phantom Troupe answers.

~

Feste walks through flea market Yorknew, lollipop in humming mouth. One hand is gripping the strap of their backpack and the other is holding a grocery bag, filled with sweets.

The clown absentmindedly looks around until they see two boys and a weird looking man through a window of a restaurant. Quickly, Feste rushes to the window.

Gon and Killua are talking with Zepile when, out of nowhere, they see a familiar clown pressing their face against the window and waving at the boys.

Killua groans out and slumps in his seat while Gon waves for Feste to come inside, which they do. “Why’d you do that!? Now Hisoka’s going to know where we’re at, idiot!”

Gon shrugs. “I like Feste, Killua,” he smiles at the Zoldyck. “They’re nice.”

Zepile is about to ask something when Feste plops down next to him, smiling widely at the boys but giving cautious glances towards the man. “What are you two doing here! I haven’t seen you guys in forever,” the clown beams.

“We’re here to-”

Killua covers Gon’s mouth. “None of your business,” Killua scoffs and glares. “Where’s Hisoka? Is Illumi here too?”

Feste blinks at him, but their smile only grows wider. “Hiso isn’t here, business things. And I don’t know where Loomi is, probably assassinating. Hiso won’t give me your brother’s number,” they huff. Feste glances at Zepile and then covers their mouth so they can whisper to Gon and Killua. “Hey, who is this guy? Is he trying to kidnap you?”

Gon laughs while Zepile and Killua turn red. “We’re okay, Feste. This is Zepile, he’s an appraiser.”

“Like, for antiques and stuff?”

Killua looks panicked, but Gon answers before him. “Yeah, we’re here for a copy of Greed Island at the auction.”

Killua facepalms. “What are you here for, clown?” He tried his best to change the subject.

Luckily, it works. “Dunno, Hisoka has some business here. I don’t think he’d like me indulging the nasty details,” the clown winks. “Was just shopping for snacks around here, saw you two, wanted to say hi. How are you two?”

Gon and Killua (and Zepile, who is too uncomfortable to talk) see how their smile turns softer. “We’re alright, Feste,” Gon smiles back. “We’re having a lotta fun in Yorknew.”

Feste laughs. “I’d sure hope so, this is my hometown!” Suddenly, their phone vibrates. A text from Hisoka: _Boss wants you back 🙄_. The clown groans. “Sorry guys, but I gotta go.”

The boys both wave at Feste as they rush towards the door. Then they stop and turn back around.

“If you guys ever need anything from me, shoot me a text, alright?” They scribble down some numbers on a napkin and give them the paper. “I’m a softie for tikes like you two,” Feste shrugs when Killua glares accusingly at them.

“We aren’t kids, idiot!” But Feste already dashed out.

~

“I might be going crazy, but there’s five people missing.” Feste was yet again between Hisoka’s legs, munching on a chocolate dessert cake while the magician was chomping on potato chips.

“They didn’t say where they were going,” Hisoka shrugs. He sets the bag of chips on the ground next to them and wraps his arms around the clown, his head planting on their right shoulder. “Anything interesting happen~?”

Feste shrugs, turning their head toward the magician. “Gave my number to some boys,” they smile mischievously. Hisoka huffs and pokes their ribs, causing a giggle. “I ran into _the_ boys,” they whisper. “I think they’re looking for the you-know-what because they’re here for the auction.” 

Hisoka hums and looks around to make sure no one’s listening. “Knowing Gon, they’ll get caught but maybe Killua won’t let that happen.”

“Should we tell Loomi?” Feste brushes noses with Hisoka, eyelids lowering.

“He’ll be furious,” Hisoka chuckles, leaning in closer to the clown. His lips ghost over theirs. “They’ll be fine. You know how tough they are~”

“You two should get room,” Feitan complains from across the room. Suddenly, his phone rings and he answers, catching everyone’s attention. “Nobunaga found people who might know about chain dude. They bringing them now,” he announces to the current members. He glares at the duo. “Look good.”

Feste and Hisoka laugh and then share a chaste kiss, looking straight at the short black-haired man. The Spiders gather on one wall of the hideout. Ten minutes later, Pakunoda, Phinks, Machi, and Nobunaga come back with their hostages. Only, they weren’t strangers.

Gon and Feste gasp and gape at each other, causing their companions to mentally facepalm. When they both realize their mistake, they turn away from each other. “You know each other?” Phinks glares at the clown suspiciously and Killua panics inwardly.

“The white haired kid stole the last Chocolate Robot from me,” Feste huffs. “Doubt he remembers, but the little green one had to stop us from fighting.” 

When Phinks turns to Gon and Killua for an explanation, they both point at Shizuku. “That girl!” Killua exclaims.

Feitan recognizes both boys and talks about Gon and Shizuku’s arm wrestling match, causing everyone to turn their attention to Franklin, Shizuku, and Feitan. Feste lets out a silent sigh of relief.

Hisoka elbows Feste’s ribs and sends them a sideways glare. “You’re an idiot,” he mumbles, but grins nonetheless.

“Alright,” Nobunaga suddenly announces. “I’m gonna take you on.”

Soon, the everyone circles the arm wrestling Gon and Nobunaga. Feste and Hisoka stand behind Killua, who turns to glare at both.

All three watch as Nobunaga destroys Gon in arm wrestling, the boy’s fist becoming red and bruised. It takes a lot out of Feste to keep a still, cool facade. Hisoka squeezes their hand gently. The clown lets out a breath they didn’t know they were holding.

“Hey,” Nobunaga addresses the Phantom Troupe. “How do I rank in arm-wrestling within the Troupe?”

“You’re probably, like, seventh or eighth,” Franklin answers.

“You’re not weak, but you’re not one of the strongest either,” Machi shrugs.

“Yeah,” Nobunaga’s voice is soft but then reverts back to intimidating. “The strongest was a guy called Uvogin. He was probably killed by the chain guy.”

Killua steps forward. “We told you, we don’t know him!”

“Look kid,” Nobunaga gives Killua a side glance and he beats Gon again, blood splattering in the air and onto the table. “I’ll kill you the next time you speak out of turn.”

Feste doesn’t have to see Killua’s face to know what expression he’s making or know what he’s feeling. They’re too busy worrying about Killua that they miss Nobunaga’s little speech, but their attention is soon regained when the clown hears Gon talk.

“I dunno. Even if I did, I would never tell you people,” suddenly, Gon is gaining advantage over Nobunaga and Feste can see both of their auras. “I’d thought you were cold-blooded, heartless people. But I see you can shed tears for your friends,” the clown can see anger flash in Gon’s eyes. “Then why couldn’t you share just a little bit of that empathy with all the people you’ve killed!?” Gon forces Nobunaga’s arm down and pride swells in Feste’s chest, but they don’t let it show. When they glance at Hisoka, they can see a ghost of a smirk on his lips and he swiftly winks at Feste.

Immediately, Feitan pins Gon to the makeshift table he and Nobunaga were using. Killua moves to help Gon, but stops when he feels Hisoka’s card and Feste’s knife pressed to both sides of his neck. “Move and you die~” Hisoka punctuates his threat by slightly applying pressure to Killua’s neck, causing a small trickle of blood.

“Answer question,” Feitan glares down at Gon. “You know chain dude or not?”

Gon turns back to glare at Feitan. “I already told you,” he yells. “There’s nothing to tell!”

Feste almost shudders when they see the glint of bloodlust in Feitan’s eyes. The clown is about to move forward when they are stopped by the sound of Nobunaga’s voice. At this point, both Hisoka and Feste take their weapons from Killua’s neck. “Feitan!” The man turns to look at him. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Feitan’s tone and eyes are annoyed.

“What you’re about to do,” he points at the boy under Feitan.

“You know what I do?”

“You’re going to break his arm,” Nobunaga rolls his eyes.

“First, his fingers. I rip nail off.”

“He looks like he’s ten, weirdo,” Feste sneers at Feitan.

“Shut up, clown,” Feitan glares back at Feste. “You too.”

Nobunaga ignores Feste and stares at Feitan intensely. “Whatever. Just stop it.”

Feitan snaps his head back at Nobunaga. “Why you give me order? I no need to obey.”

Suddenly, both of their auras spike and Gon and Killua sweat nervously.

“Hey,” Franklin speaks up. “Cool it, Nobunaga.”

Machi, with her hand on her hip also joins in. “Remember the rules.”

“No actual fighting within the Troupe,” Shizuku reminds them.

“I know,” Nobunaga’s aura disappears and his demeanor returns to calm. He takes out a coin. “We settle disputes with a coin toss.”

“How boring,” Feste snickers to Hisoka.

“Tails.”

“Heads,” at that, Nobunaga flips the coin, landing on heads. “Heads.”

“Let him go, Feitan,” Phinks orders. Feste silently mocks him. The angry blonde man glares at them, making the clown stick their tongue out at him.

Feitan moves away from Gon and the boy scowls at him.

“So what are we going to do with them?” Shizuku perks up. “You haven’t gotten any information from them, have you?”

“If they don’t know anything, just let them go,” Franklin turns to Pakunoda. “What do you think, Pakunoda?”

“I think Paku’s hot,” Feste blurts out. “Grrr bark bark!”

Pakunoda glances at the clown warily, but avoids them. “I checked them on the way here. They don’t know anything.”

“Really?” Machi’s face is almost disappointed.

“Yeah,” Pakunoda turns to her. “They have no memory of the chain dude.”

“Your hunch was wrong this time,” Nobunaga snickers at Machi.

“That’s odd,” Machi looks at the man and scowls then shrugs. “Well, Pakunoda must be right.”

Hisoka walks away from both boys. Feste follows suit before glancing at them and sending them a quick thumbs up. “Good luck,” they mouth.

“Hiso,” Feste whines when they’re far enough from the Spiders to be able to ignore them but close enough to be able to hear. “I’m worried.”

Hisoka crosses his arms and looks down at the clown. “You’re being stupid, kitten~” his amber eyes are teasing. “They’ll be alright.”

Feste huffs. “I guess,” their arms reach toward him and they make a grabbing motion with their hands. The clown puts on the sweetest face they can pull. “Carry me to make me feel better?”

Hisoka’s eyes widen for a split second then he looks away, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. “You don’t have to act adorable for me to say yes, kitten~ Piggyback?”

“Piggyback,” Feste confirms and it’s not long before they are resting on the magician’s broad back. “Hooray~”

“He ain’t leaving,” Nobunaga catches Hisoka’s and Feste’s attention again. Hisoka can feel the clown’s swift intake of breath. “Look, kid, why don’t you join the Spiders?”

“No thanks,” at Gon’s refusal, Feste breathes a sigh of relief, tickling Hisoka’s ear.

“This kid is my idol,” the arms around Hisoka’s neck tighten slightly and Feste buries their face in his neck. “He’s so strong. I wish I was as strong as him.”

“Kitten,” Hisoka says softly but the right words escape him. He’s not the comforting type, he’s much too apathetic for that, but he does care for the petite clown on his back. The magician sighs and reaches back to pat their white hair gently. His touch is welcome and the sentiment in it is seen by Feste. Hisoka’s hand lowers to caress their cheek and in return, they kiss his palm.

“I love you,” he can feel the smile against his hand. “No homo though.” Hisoka gives the clown a slap.

“Keep working in pairs, and do your best to find the guys on the list,” Shalnark’s voice finally brings the duo back to reality. “Let’s meet back here at 10 p.m.!”

“Hey,” Machi calls out to Shalnark. “Nobunaga is going to babysit. Who should I team up with?”

Shaknark looks around. “There are ten of us, team up with whoever’s left.”

She looks around to see who isn’t partnered up and sees Hisoka and Feste waving at her, both smiling innocently. Machi sighs and rolls her eyes. “Why am I stuck with the freaks?”

“Just for you,” Feste wiggles their eyebrows and blows her a kiss.

The rest of the night, their nose is throbbing and Machi’s fist is bruised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry that this is late 😔 i didn’t have a lot of motivation to write this chapter and it took me a while (especially with the canon dialogue)  
> i hope you enjoyed it though!  
> feel free to comment! ^w^


	16. authors note

i haven’t posted in forever 😭 im so sorry. i was working on my other fic and then school started last week so i haven’t been working at all. don’t worry, im not done with this fic yet, but i don’t think ill be able to post in a while :) love you guys!


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